I’m having mixed emotions about Starfield for a personal reason that might seem a little weird to some…
Okay, deep breath, here it goes. (Just skip this post if you don’t like this sort of thing.)
I’m 56, and believe it or not, until five years ago I’d never had a girlfriend. All my life I wanted one (really badly - especially when I was younger) but my introversion, which is on an extreme level, made it virtually impossible for me. At 50 I’d completely given up on ever having a lady in my life - but then one day, at work, I accidentally blew some snow onto a female colleague (I’m the gardener at a large care centre for the elderly, and in when it’s snowing, and I can’t work in the garden, I remove snow and put down salt). All I heard was a scream, and looked up and saw a young lady with snow all over her. I apologized and said I’d buy her a coffee, without even thinking about it.
The one coffee led to another coffee, and on our second ‘date’ she asked me if I’d go on a hike with her, which led to a dinner date, which led to more hikes, which led to us becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. I couldn’t believe it. Suddenly I was going up to her place every weekend, and having dinner with her almost every night, and going on trips with her, and generally doing all sorts of stuff that I’d never done with another person before… it was a magical time in my life. Not being lonely all the time was a real experience.
The five years went by in a flash, and were by far the happiest of my life. I gave up gaming, for the most part.
My girlfriend turned 35 this year, and although she never discussed it with me face to face, I always knew that she badly wanted to start a family. Unfortunately, I came to realize that she wanted a husband who was closer to her own age, since I knew she wanted to experience life as a grandparent, and hopefully have her husband with her. The age-gap between us was 22 years, which meant we would never be able to grow old together.
Our relationship was so strong, and our connection so deep, that she always said to me that if we ever broke up she’d have to quit her job, since we used to see each other at work continuously.
This year, I had a problem with my heart, which seemed to stun my girlfriend - I just don’t think that at 35 she was prepared to be with a guy who was having a health issue that was more or less related to aging.
Anyway, three months ago I had the shock of a lifetime: my girlfriend and I were going to go for our usual mid-day coffee, but when I went to her office in the kitchen to meet her (she was the nutritionist) I discovered that the lights were out and her door was locked. My first reaction was… she’s quit, and gone back home to her parents, even though that seemed absurd. Her staff were clearly shocked and upset and nobody was talking to me, which made me realize that the nightmare in my head was probably happening in reality.
Our mutual boss confirmed my suspicions an hour later, saying my girlfriend came into his office sobbing, saying she had to leave her job, and was going back home to her family. He tried his best to talk her out of it, but she was determined to leave.
So… long story short… I’m back to where I was before. Alone again. Which means that I now spend most of my time, outside of work, writing and gaming. I’ve written seven novels over the course of thirty years and would like to become a published author one day… although this seems like a fantasy, right now. Writing is what I did before, to ease the loneliness, and gaming is what I used to do at the end of the day, by myself (also to ease the loneliness?).
The gaming thing is a monkey I’d like to have off my back, but it’s something that still makes me somewhat happy, so I do it.
Ten years ago, I would have been ecstatic about a game like this being released - but today it makes me feel sad and regretful that this is all I have right now. I’d like to join in on the fun, but this is a weird time in my life right now.
Anyway, thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I apologize if you found this annoying. This is a gaming forum, after all. LOL.
Man..well written. What genre are your books? Also...gaming doesn't have to be a monkey. It brings you joy and happiness and as long as you moderate there is no downside.