Yeah, my dad put his foot down (literally) on my Genesis along with Bulls vs. Blazers. It wasn't the first, or last, time he had to show me the hard way...
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No more Xbox 360...
- Thread starter TheBluePill
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Yeah, my dad put his foot down (literally) on my Genesis along with Bulls vs. Blazers. It wasn't the first, or last, time he had to show me the hard way...
MiG31_Foxhound
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Didn't see that one coming.
And I know sometimes measures have to be taken, but we only have one side of this story. Everyone here's just living vicariously (pretty pathetic, but I'd never dare expect more from my fellow nerds...) through some guy that may be complicit in some pretty heavy domestic issues that may be in fact causing the problems he's trying to solve. Not saying this is necessarilty the case, but you don't know. Most 9-10 year olds I've met have been little shits... but their parents have never pulled garbage like the OP.
"Well maybe they should"
I know it's coming.PinchedNerve
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Bravo to you BluePill. I have twin boys (9yo) & I can't stand hearing about ****ing video games anymore from them.They each had their own gaming computer since the age of 5, a Xbox, Xbox 360, Wii, PS3, & each has a DS. I sold 1 of the gaming computers, gave the other to my wife (she doesn't game), sold the Xbox, Xbox 360, & Wii, & the only reason I have the PS3 is it plays BluRays.
You are dead on that sometimes you have to make an impression on them. I've actually taken the DS's & threw them down on their bedroom floor (carpet) as hard as I could trying to break them & make them realize that video games are not important. Think about how shocked I was when the damn DS's fired right up after being slammed. Only one had any damage & that was a trigger button out of place which popped right back into place, but they thought it was all over.
Luckily for me it seems my kids are now getting on track with school & playing outside, but I have warned them that if they fail school this year, the DS's & PS3 are gone.
Bravo to you sir! I am in full agreement with you & I totally sympathize with you.
You are dead on that sometimes you have to make an impression on them. I've actually taken the DS's & threw them down on their bedroom floor (carpet) as hard as I could trying to break them & make them realize that video games are not important. Think about how shocked I was when the damn DS's fired right up after being slammed. Only one had any damage & that was a trigger button out of place which popped right back into place, but they thought it was all over.
Luckily for me it seems my kids are now getting on track with school & playing outside, but I have warned them that if they fail school this year, the DS's & PS3 are gone.
Bravo to you sir! I am in full agreement with you & I totally sympathize with you.
The mistake was in not making them maintain 90% to keep the TV's....
TheBluePill
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Good job on the excellent parenting.
And MiG, there's definitely some truth that sometimes you just gotta take it to the extreme. If you beat your kids (not a good idea), the pain goes away after a bit. Wash their mouth out with soap (again, not a good idea), the taste goes away. Smash their shit? You know damn well they won't forget it.
I say you keep an XBox controller just for kicks. Give them the XBox back (or at least the large pieces) and the controller (sell the games obviously), and tell them they can play it as much as they want now.
Oh also, I think the OP needs honorary GenMAy membership
Ill drink to that!
TheBluePill
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Didn't see that one coming.
And I know sometimes measures have to be taken, but we only have one side of this story. Everyone here's just living vicariously (pretty pathetic, but I'd never dare expect more from my fellow nerds...) through some guy that may be complicit in some pretty heavy domestic issues that may be in fact causing the problems he's trying to solve. Not saying this is necessarilty the case, but you don't know. Most 9-10 year olds I've met have been little shits... but their parents have never pulled garbage like the OP.
"Well maybe they should"
I edited my response on page 4 to you, please read that.
A+++ from another Father.
So many points & so little time. OK, first off, parents aren't supposed to be their children's friends. Their purpose is to raise them so that they won't do stupid stuff when they are older. If parents allow their kids to do stupid stuff when they are young, they will do it when they are old or until a consequence makes them reconsider. When you're an adult, there are very few people that give carrots for being good. You don't get rewarded for not going through that red light or for not stealing from the office or whatever. You only get punished for these things. What's going to happen to kids psychologically who think that they need rewards to do things the right way. It doesn't work, they aren't dogs.
My daughter has had many spankings. Yup, genuine spankings. I'm sure there are those who would report me to the police for those things. However, that said, she still loves me & hugs all over me when she's not in trouble. Kids are wonderful like that. They intrinsically know that you care for them even after being punished. So long as you aren't acting in anger, they understand. When I spank or punish my child, I always explain to her exactly why I'm doing it & that it wouldn't have ever been done if she had listened to us before giving the punishment. Partially to make sure that I'm not doing it out of anger & partially to set what she did into her mind for future reference.
I believe that much of the trouble with society today can be directly related to this very subject. Too many kids are brought up to feel entitled to whatever they want. Too many parents feel that their job is to provide whatever their kids need. That making sure that they are comfortable. Since when did anyone learn anything from being comfortable.
And yes, every child is different as well. My daughter could have her stuff taken away all day & she wouldn't care. Put her in her room for a half an hour & she'll do anything to amend for her wrongs. However, our friend has a child who if you take a toy, any toy away from them, he goes crazy. Put him in the room & he's content for hours.
OK, & now for story time. I to this day learned a valuable lesson from my Father that affects what I do & how I do it. I used to abuse my toys because I knew I'd get others. One day, my Father came in & told me that he was no longer going to buy me anything that wasn't necessary... ever. Till I graduated, he kept his word. I had to buy every toy that I had from 12 on up. I had to buy any food that I wanted that we didn't keep in the home. Since then, I've respected the things that I own in a way most don't understand. I also learned to appreciate that things weren't really free. That it did cost my Father time & hardship to give me the things that I didn't respect. I will love my Father forever for teaching me that lesson. I learned more from that experience than I did from being grounded for a month during the summer. I certainly don't remember anything that I ever taken with me into adulthood from the rewards I received.
Enough ranting.
So many points & so little time. OK, first off, parents aren't supposed to be their children's friends. Their purpose is to raise them so that they won't do stupid stuff when they are older. If parents allow their kids to do stupid stuff when they are young, they will do it when they are old or until a consequence makes them reconsider. When you're an adult, there are very few people that give carrots for being good. You don't get rewarded for not going through that red light or for not stealing from the office or whatever. You only get punished for these things. What's going to happen to kids psychologically who think that they need rewards to do things the right way. It doesn't work, they aren't dogs.
My daughter has had many spankings. Yup, genuine spankings. I'm sure there are those who would report me to the police for those things. However, that said, she still loves me & hugs all over me when she's not in trouble. Kids are wonderful like that. They intrinsically know that you care for them even after being punished. So long as you aren't acting in anger, they understand. When I spank or punish my child, I always explain to her exactly why I'm doing it & that it wouldn't have ever been done if she had listened to us before giving the punishment. Partially to make sure that I'm not doing it out of anger & partially to set what she did into her mind for future reference.
I believe that much of the trouble with society today can be directly related to this very subject. Too many kids are brought up to feel entitled to whatever they want. Too many parents feel that their job is to provide whatever their kids need. That making sure that they are comfortable. Since when did anyone learn anything from being comfortable.
And yes, every child is different as well. My daughter could have her stuff taken away all day & she wouldn't care. Put her in her room for a half an hour & she'll do anything to amend for her wrongs. However, our friend has a child who if you take a toy, any toy away from them, he goes crazy. Put him in the room & he's content for hours.
OK, & now for story time. I to this day learned a valuable lesson from my Father that affects what I do & how I do it. I used to abuse my toys because I knew I'd get others. One day, my Father came in & told me that he was no longer going to buy me anything that wasn't necessary... ever. Till I graduated, he kept his word. I had to buy every toy that I had from 12 on up. I had to buy any food that I wanted that we didn't keep in the home. Since then, I've respected the things that I own in a way most don't understand. I also learned to appreciate that things weren't really free. That it did cost my Father time & hardship to give me the things that I didn't respect. I will love my Father forever for teaching me that lesson. I learned more from that experience than I did from being grounded for a month during the summer. I certainly don't remember anything that I ever taken with me into adulthood from the rewards I received.
Enough ranting.
I say good job and that was funny too... Sledge hammer and xbox360 dont go together My son is 9yrs old as well and he has PS3 and xbox360, but he can only play on weekends Friday and Saturday... i did that since he started going to school and he still ok with it.. but one time his grade went down for 1 class and we grounded him till his grade is back up or better... he did that and all is good..
My son is 9yrs old as well and he has PS3 and xbox360, but he can only play on weekends Friday and Saturday... i did that since he started going to school and he still ok with it.. but one time his grade went down for 1 class and we grounded him till his grade is back up or better... he did that and all is good..NKDietrich
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Not since me and my ex broke up. She had two daughters. We tried the "break crap" with them, but it just escalated. The youngest was causing problems, so we broke one of her annoying talking toys (One of those purple Dora backpacks) and threw it away to make an example.
Two weeks later her sisters CDs and DVDs start mysteriously getting broken and her clothes start disappearing. Very ineffective. Displays of violence and destruction just don't work. Even if the kid doesn't consciously think "Okay they broke my Xbox so its okay for me to break stuff.", it does lower their inhibitions to doing so.
The last thing you want to do is one-up your kids immaturity with immaturity of your own. It's the same reason you don't call them names or belittle them. It's just a bad example, plain and simple.
EDIT: Also, the whole "You obviously don't have kids if you don't agree with my parenting!" is childish at best. If anyone finds themselves posting that, they need to reconsider and just not post.
wow, my Dad did something similar to me back in the day. I forget exactly the infraction, but I think it did poorly on a report card, and he had already been giving me shit about playing too much Nintendo (NES). So one day I'm outside playing with my friends, the mailman comes (report card day), and next thing I know my dad was outside on the driveway with my NES and a sledge hammer. Pretty traumatic and embarrassing...but it got the desired effect. Ofcourse, then he buys me a Sega 8 months later for Christmas...thankfully it was no where near as entertaining as the NES and I didn't slack off in school ever again
When I was 10, I wasn't allowed to turn on a game console or PC without permission from my parents. They wouldn't always let me play when I asked (IE if my h/w wasn't done, chores weren't done, etc etc) but when I did play they wouldn't arbitrarily kick me off.
Out of curiousity... did you have this 360 hooked up in the kids bedroom, or on the family TV? My parents brought me up as a Communist in a manner of speaking. Nobody really owned anything (it all belonged to the house) and everything was shared by the family (except my sis, who was given a car, a tv, and a cell phone which nobody could touch). If your kids think that the 360 belongs to them, they'll also think that they're entitled to use it whenever they want. This is a bad mindset to cultivate.
---
I only ever had problems accessing technology when I was 14-15ish with our PC. My dad agreed to supply the funds for me to build a gaming rig (the benefits of finishing 3rd in your class in junior high!) that would become our second PC. My older sister simply refused to use the old computer after I had built the new one. All she ever did was surf the Internet and use instant messenger, but she insisted on coming into the study room and kicking me off in the middle of whatever I was doing so that she could check her e-mail and see if her friends were around.
If I was playing a game that I could save and quit I didn't really bother with it, but if I was kicking butt in CounterStrike or making a breakthrough on a software project I'd get really mad... especially since she'd start screaming and hitting if I wasn't off in exactly one minute (I wasn't granted enough time to copy files over to my USB key, which made trying to write code a pain)
Out of curiousity... did you have this 360 hooked up in the kids bedroom, or on the family TV? My parents brought me up as a Communist in a manner of speaking. Nobody really owned anything (it all belonged to the house) and everything was shared by the family (except my sis, who was given a car, a tv, and a cell phone which nobody could touch). If your kids think that the 360 belongs to them, they'll also think that they're entitled to use it whenever they want. This is a bad mindset to cultivate.
---
I only ever had problems accessing technology when I was 14-15ish with our PC. My dad agreed to supply the funds for me to build a gaming rig (the benefits of finishing 3rd in your class in junior high!) that would become our second PC. My older sister simply refused to use the old computer after I had built the new one. All she ever did was surf the Internet and use instant messenger, but she insisted on coming into the study room and kicking me off in the middle of whatever I was doing so that she could check her e-mail and see if her friends were around.
If I was playing a game that I could save and quit I didn't really bother with it, but if I was kicking butt in CounterStrike or making a breakthrough on a software project I'd get really mad... especially since she'd start screaming and hitting if I wasn't off in exactly one minute (I wasn't granted enough time to copy files over to my USB key, which made trying to write code a pain)
TheBluePill
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I was asking the question in Ernest. i was curious. no Disrespect intended.
Every child is different, i have two daughters that require different methods, as they have different childhood issues to address.
In the case of the two step daughters you had, i would think stripping them to bare essentials would have worked. give them a Bed, plain white sheets and blanket. 4 plain, basic outfits suitable for the weather and 3 square meals. thats it. No breaking stuff needed.. its all about the battle of the wills with kids. They CAN win, and do all the time.
You know.. i love all 4 of my kids. A LOT. They are not demons, or horrible little people at all.. they just have kid issues, some out of hand, that had to be corrected. No kid is the "titanic", doomed for failure, but they sometimes need a major and sharp course correction.
Icestation
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Awesome job OP!
I need to share a memory real quick,
When I was a kid I got a mountain bike for my birthday (back when they first really started to be the new thing). My parents bought me the cheapest ugliest one, and I absolutely hated that thing, I took it for granted I used to ram it into things in hopes it would break and they would by me a new one.
One day my dad came home early and caught me taking a hammer to the frame (I don't know why I was a stupid kid 5th or 6th grade) and he knew I mistreated it long before that. So he threw it in the back of the truck tossed me in the seat next to him didnt say a word and we drove to the scrap yard and he tossed it in.
We sat in the parking lot for what felt like eternity he didn't say a word I was crying, screaming and yelling. Until the tractor came and ran it over and pushed it aside.
On the way home he lectured me about respecting the things that I have and treating them all like they are the only one I will ever have.
6 months later on my birthday he bought me the EXACT same bike same model and color everything. I treated it and everything I have been fortunate to call my own a whole lot different after that.
And to the people crying about "abuse" or "what a waste" needs a good spanking cause thats what used to happen to most of us my age when we did and said bad things. I do believe there is a fine line in discipline and abuse and that line is the child understanding why it is happening if the child doesn't understand why they are being disciplined then its just abuse and no good will come from it. I didn't think "or he just wasted all HIS money on another crappy bike" I was thinking HOLY CRAP I GOT A BIKE! now i can go ride with all my friends again"
But it sounds like the OP has it under control good luck and I hope your kids can EARN another Xbox 360 in the future.
I need to share a memory real quick,
When I was a kid I got a mountain bike for my birthday (back when they first really started to be the new thing). My parents bought me the cheapest ugliest one, and I absolutely hated that thing, I took it for granted I used to ram it into things in hopes it would break and they would by me a new one.
One day my dad came home early and caught me taking a hammer to the frame (I don't know why I was a stupid kid 5th or 6th grade) and he knew I mistreated it long before that. So he threw it in the back of the truck tossed me in the seat next to him didnt say a word and we drove to the scrap yard and he tossed it in.
We sat in the parking lot for what felt like eternity he didn't say a word I was crying, screaming and yelling. Until the tractor came and ran it over and pushed it aside.
On the way home he lectured me about respecting the things that I have and treating them all like they are the only one I will ever have.
6 months later on my birthday he bought me the EXACT same bike same model and color everything. I treated it and everything I have been fortunate to call my own a whole lot different after that.
And to the people crying about "abuse" or "what a waste" needs a good spanking cause thats what used to happen to most of us my age when we did and said bad things. I do believe there is a fine line in discipline and abuse and that line is the child understanding why it is happening if the child doesn't understand why they are being disciplined then its just abuse and no good will come from it. I didn't think "or he just wasted all HIS money on another crappy bike" I was thinking HOLY CRAP I GOT A BIKE! now i can go ride with all my friends again"
But it sounds like the OP has it under control
good luck and I hope your kids can EARN another Xbox 360 in the future.Generally this is a much better method than beating the kids, though you should have them associate the xbox with YOUR property and have semi-wept as you destroyed it (like it was your own - even though it was ). That would have really gotten to them, or not if they don't really care for you that much.
Hitting your kids or making them feel unsafe in "their" own home should really be used as a last resort, it's damaging stuff even if it becomes necessary.
). That would have really gotten to them, or not if they don't really care for you that much. Hitting your kids or making them feel unsafe in "their" own home should really be used as a last resort, it's damaging stuff even if it becomes necessary.
maademperor
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have you tried taking the time to sit down with your kids...and hit them?
mycomputersucks
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it's also childish to say "it didn't work for me, so it won't work for you". the OPs kids were old enough to realize that this was a punishment, not something fun to do. your child's maturity level/personality has a lot to do w/ the kind of punishment they receive.
the naysayers seem to envision a drunken OP storming into the living room w/ a sledgehammer, destroying everything his well behaved kids cherished. the op has stated multiple times that he tried many ways to get his kids to behave, and this was the one punishment that worked. He offered many carrots and in the end he wasn't afraid to use the stick.
NKDietrich
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No problem.
Yeah, different things work with different kids, and I would definitely agree with permanently removing the 360, but I think destroying it just screws you out of a few bucks you could have earned by selling it. I can't imagine the kids would care why or how you got rid of the 360, so long as it was gone. No sense in destroying your own property IMHO.
Of course, like you said, every kid is different. Maybe your kids would not have responded to simply having the 360 disappear.
Yeah. One of the (many) reasons me and the ex broke up is that the kids were walking all over us and she would only discipline them (or let me) when she was in a bad mood. If she was in a good mood she didn't want to ruin it by provoking the kids.
Smashing it is idiotic, and video games are hardly the path to being a criminal or dead.
If the kids have that much problem with self-control/discipline, I tend to question the parent. The fact that you took violent action on anything shows you have some problems.
Like an earlier poster said, you could have given it to charity (maybe some kids dying in the hospital want to play some MW2? They can't do much else) or at least sold it and got your money back. Tell them they have to work to get it back, literally.
I'm glad I wasn't raised by you.
If the kids have that much problem with self-control/discipline, I tend to question the parent. The fact that you took violent action on anything shows you have some problems.
Like an earlier poster said, you could have given it to charity (maybe some kids dying in the hospital want to play some MW2? They can't do much else) or at least sold it and got your money back. Tell them they have to work to get it back, literally.
I'm glad I wasn't raised by you.
RyanLucier
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donate it to a hospital / give it to poor children?
just a thought.
just a thought.
ViperGrendal
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Didn't read all the replies, but.....
Sometimes you gotta get their attention somehow. Sometimes it doesn't take much, other times.... If I were in your situation I may have resorted to the same thing. In the last ten years a couple of "toys" have met the wrath of dad.
Sometimes you gotta get their attention somehow. Sometimes it doesn't take much, other times.... If I were in your situation I may have resorted to the same thing. In the last ten years a couple of "toys" have met the wrath of dad.
+1 Well Said!
Thank you for not taking the easy road and giving in to your kids. You have taught you children a valuable lesson and one day they will thank you for it. If more parents actually punished their children, for inappropriate behavior, I would have a much easier job.
DeathFromBelow
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As I said earlier, going psycho and breaking things (that he ultimately owns) doesn't really teach the kid anything other than that authority stems from being able to destroy people's property and make them miserable. They learn that breaking things (including their own) is ok when you get angry. That's what bugs me.
This is where nasty teenagers who don't give a shit about other people's property come from. They might learn to avoid trouble at home so dad won't break their stuff, but they'll also act like dad when they don't get their way in the real world.
XLeezardx
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I would have just beat the hell out of them.
Yeah I completely disagree with that. Parenting isn't exactly a science, and things that work for one parent won't work with another. You saying that these so-called 'nasty teenagers' will stem from a simple act of discipline is just plain idiotic.
I remember distinctly when my mother took action on me for playing computer games too much as a kid. We had 56K, and only 1 phone line, and it was the last straw that I was playing all the time and no one could get through the line. Before I got home from school one day, she took the cord, cut it up into 1 inch pieces, and set the pile on the kitchen floor. Needless to say I learned my lesson.
Did I turn out to be a "nasty teenager who don't give a shit about other people's property"? No. Stop stereotyping and learn that what this guy did was justified and a good way to show his kids that the material crap in life is just that, material crap, and that it's not right to just ignore everything else.
Kudos to you, BluePill. Hilarious, as well
.mycomputersucks
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what part of his story gives you the impression that he was "going psycho"? he said he talked to his kids calmly before he smashed the object of their obsession.
Missing the point
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Basically he "smashed" them back into reality.
No wonder you don't agree if you read it and think he "went psycho" and smashed it...
No wonder you don't agree if you read it and think he "went psycho" and smashed it...
Lord_Anselhelm
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I won't criticise your parenting method, but I mightly calmly advise (as one HardOCPer to another) that you maybe seek some help for resolving future disputes without such grand gestures, as these can potentially lead to further problems such as resentment and fear of violence.
It might work perfectly of course too, but I thought I'd share this gem of knowledge with you. It's meant in a gentle "take-it-or-leave-it" sort of way, rather than a didactic way. I'm not trying to tell you how to parent at all, but rather just offering a bit of advice which could possibly prevent consequent problems out of this.
It might work perfectly of course too, but I thought I'd share this gem of knowledge with you. It's meant in a gentle "take-it-or-leave-it" sort of way, rather than a didactic way. I'm not trying to tell you how to parent at all, but rather just offering a bit of advice which could possibly prevent consequent problems out of this.
yup, good move. I have a son whos closing in on 2 years old now. best way to teach him something is bad like hitting other kids with a toy is to take it away from him and scorn him. When this happenes he behaves and doesnt do it again (atleats for a while lol). If he behaves he gets it back the next day. kids respond well to the loss of an object then enjoy playign with (from my experiance anyways)
I'm pretty sure you're not a parent because you obviously don't understand kids & if you are, then you are probably owned. It isn't the games that was the point. It was the loss that was the point, it could have been a chess board for what anyone cares. It was the fact that they don't have control over a darn thing in the house & that if they can't do what is needed of them then they can't have what is wanted.
Though it wasn't my X-box, I'd have no qualms with destroying one to make a point. If you consider that violence, you're a sissy.
MiG31_Foxhound
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Let's start with ancillary arguments first.
If you came to possess something of sufficient value, you would kill anyone you've ever met in order to keep said item. I don't care who you are, where you live, or what your circumstances are/have been. You may call me pessimistic, but I would challenge you as both arrogant and altruistic. Everyone has a price.
Secondly, if the only reason you do not commit murder, rape, theft, etc. is because there are law enforcement agencies in place to deter you, it leads me to believe you have a rather persistent and strong urge to do those things. Please don't take this the wrong way, but I think I'd rather not live within any appreciable proximity to you.
Finally, I'd implore you to think about how your kids think. They do think, whether or not your ego allows you to contemplate such a case. You had the right idea, attempting to "bribe" them and tie something tangible to completion of their chores. If their problems are so persistent that literally no other alternative form of communication but violence could control them, you may want to contemplate the possibility that one or both of them may be afflicted by a psychological disorder. I understand this may sound condescending, and that you wouldn't trust a rapid softening of my stance, but there's a practical side to this. If you resort to this sort of thing now, when they're ten, what happens when they're sixteen? How far are you willing to up the ante to get through to them if this behavior continues? Maybe it's just the Xbox exuding some sort of unique power over them, and once it's gone they'll behave, but I don't think such a capability is included in its hardware specs.
I could agree wiht that if the OP just went crazy without trying but thats not how it happened.
by reading his post he obviously tried every calm approach, from talking to them to grounding. When it fails to work and acctually progresses to the point where your spouse is crying it takes a grand gesture to get it in their heads. And watching you destroy the source of conflict sets it in their heads that constant bad behavour will result in a serious punishment such as the loss of a much valued object.
RyanLucier
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In retrospect, I think a better idea would be to keep the video games and give the kids a chance to EARN the money to buy another xbox 360.
For example, rake the leaves, $5... mow the lawn, $5... vacuum and dust, $5... essentially let them work for a good couple months making $5 here, $5 there until they can afford to buy their own xbox 360. They will DEFINITELY react very differently with this machine, and learn a lesson.
...And if they're lazy shits who don't care about the games and haven't earned any money doing chores in 4 or 5 months, sell the games and use the money to hire a babysitter and take your wife out for dinner.
For example, rake the leaves, $5... mow the lawn, $5... vacuum and dust, $5... essentially let them work for a good couple months making $5 here, $5 there until they can afford to buy their own xbox 360. They will DEFINITELY react very differently with this machine, and learn a lesson.
...And if they're lazy shits who don't care about the games and haven't earned any money doing chores in 4 or 5 months, sell the games and use the money to hire a babysitter and take your wife out for dinner.
Missing the point
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Biggest lesson out of this *I* think is the fact that kids need to EARN what they have, as to not have them "expect" things. Then they "expect" that they can use it... no no no, you EARN the time to use it by finishing everything else first.
"WORK BEFORE PLAY!" was my Dad's motto, and it will always stick with me.
"WORK BEFORE PLAY!" was my Dad's motto, and it will always stick with me.
DeathFromBelow
Supreme [H]ardness
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2005
- Messages
- 7,315
The fact that my father never had to destroy his own property in front of my face to make a point.
My parents taught me to take care of the things I own, and that if you don't or you break other people's things then people will take away your things. Seeing my dad break something to make a point like that as a 9-10 year old would have really screwed with my perception of the way adults are supposed to act and the value of personal property.
The people who think that one way of parenting works with all kids are basically naive idiots. It's easy to comment based on what you think about how you were raised, but because that worked on you doesn't mean it's going to strike fear in todays kids.
Even in my own family, raised with love and temperance, I had to be spanked about three times in my life before I equated "this result sucks" with "my behavior caused this result".
My father could have beaten my brother to death, and his ghost would have found a way to come back and cause trouble. That kid did the exact opposite of what he was told from about 4 years old, and he wasn't raised any differently than I was. They tried everything to fix him, from medical help to heavy handed punishment. If he didn't like it, he'd just run away. He finally hit the maturity you might expec tof his age about 25, and it's been great.
Switching topics, I've seen what douchebags kids have become these days. I'm 32, and when I was in Middle School, I would have never disrepected a teacher openly in basically any way. Even the hard kids, might mouth off to a teacher, but not the principal. Not that way anymore, kids have no fear of authority, none.
You can't instill respect in a kid at school if at home he's given everything he wants, works for nothing, and isn't disciplined in any way. Go to your room? yeah with your twitter and facebook on your cell phone, ipod touch and any one of three multimedia consoles? What a punishment.
Everybody has to figure out their own way, even if you are doing the best you can as a parent, kids are exposed to so much data and influence from outside sources that it changes their behavior even as you struggle to counteract it.
My little guy is too young for all this stuff right now, but my wife and I decided before he was ever born what kind of parents we were going to be. Our decision was love above all else, but that we were not going to be like the parents we see out and about, with screaming brats in the mall or in the restuarant.
We don't believe that it's societies job to discipline or tolerate our child, it's our job to teach him and shape him so that he can be positive addition and not a negative. Sometimes that means you won't always be your kids favorite person, but 'like' and 'love' don't always go hand in hand.
Edit: Reading some of these replies where you people act like what the OP did is a child psychosis inducing act of violence against plastic makes me think that you're going to raise absolute pussies who get walked on, or that you have an idealistic sheltered view of the world. Do you honestly think that sitting down and having a calm psycho-babble chat about behavior works for everyone in the world? The man obviously (by his own statements anyway) has been through all the soft hand buddy-dad discipline bullshit up and to this point.
If I was going to make snarky comments about his parenting style, mine would be skew to the line of reasoning that it sounds like he was too easy breezy for too long, and NOW he's having to pay the price and take drastic measures. I hate being the bad guy in my house, but I know I'm doing the child a disservice if I'm not at certain times.
Theres a great middle ground you walk with kids. You can be too soft for too long, which gets you walked on later in life until you act on it and by then it may be too late. Or you can be too heavy handed and end up resented by some rebellious dickhead who does everything they can to piss you off until they learn their own hard way usually at cost to the parent.
You have to feel out your own line, but the important thing is you pick a style and keep with it. you can't be hard on the little stuff, and soft on the big stuff. If you present a balanced face to your kid you will have a much easier time with discipline. There are always exceptions to every rule, and no parent or child is perfect. It won't be my first choice, but if it comes down to it, and I think I need to, I'll get rid of whatever offending item is causing the issue in my house, should that point come.
Additionally, I'm making my kid do slave labor when he's older and needs to be really punished.
Even in my own family, raised with love and temperance, I had to be spanked about three times in my life before I equated "this result sucks" with "my behavior caused this result".
My father could have beaten my brother to death, and his ghost would have found a way to come back and cause trouble. That kid did the exact opposite of what he was told from about 4 years old, and he wasn't raised any differently than I was. They tried everything to fix him, from medical help to heavy handed punishment. If he didn't like it, he'd just run away. He finally hit the maturity you might expec tof his age about 25, and it's been great.
Switching topics, I've seen what douchebags kids have become these days. I'm 32, and when I was in Middle School, I would have never disrepected a teacher openly in basically any way. Even the hard kids, might mouth off to a teacher, but not the principal. Not that way anymore, kids have no fear of authority, none.
You can't instill respect in a kid at school if at home he's given everything he wants, works for nothing, and isn't disciplined in any way. Go to your room? yeah with your twitter and facebook on your cell phone, ipod touch and any one of three multimedia consoles? What a punishment.
Everybody has to figure out their own way, even if you are doing the best you can as a parent, kids are exposed to so much data and influence from outside sources that it changes their behavior even as you struggle to counteract it.
My little guy is too young for all this stuff right now, but my wife and I decided before he was ever born what kind of parents we were going to be. Our decision was love above all else, but that we were not going to be like the parents we see out and about, with screaming brats in the mall or in the restuarant.
We don't believe that it's societies job to discipline or tolerate our child, it's our job to teach him and shape him so that he can be positive addition and not a negative. Sometimes that means you won't always be your kids favorite person, but 'like' and 'love' don't always go hand in hand.
Edit: Reading some of these replies where you people act like what the OP did is a child psychosis inducing act of violence against plastic makes me think that you're going to raise absolute pussies who get walked on, or that you have an idealistic sheltered view of the world. Do you honestly think that sitting down and having a calm psycho-babble chat about behavior works for everyone in the world? The man obviously (by his own statements anyway) has been through all the soft hand buddy-dad discipline bullshit up and to this point.
If I was going to make snarky comments about his parenting style, mine would be skew to the line of reasoning that it sounds like he was too easy breezy for too long, and NOW he's having to pay the price and take drastic measures. I hate being the bad guy in my house, but I know I'm doing the child a disservice if I'm not at certain times.
Theres a great middle ground you walk with kids. You can be too soft for too long, which gets you walked on later in life until you act on it and by then it may be too late. Or you can be too heavy handed and end up resented by some rebellious dickhead who does everything they can to piss you off until they learn their own hard way usually at cost to the parent.
You have to feel out your own line, but the important thing is you pick a style and keep with it. you can't be hard on the little stuff, and soft on the big stuff. If you present a balanced face to your kid you will have a much easier time with discipline. There are always exceptions to every rule, and no parent or child is perfect. It won't be my first choice, but if it comes down to it, and I think I need to, I'll get rid of whatever offending item is causing the issue in my house, should that point come.
Additionally, I'm making my kid do slave labor when he's older and needs to be really punished.
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mycomputersucks
2[H]4U
- Joined
- Oct 31, 2001
- Messages
- 2,163
In retrospect, I think a better idea would be to keep the video games and give the kids a chance to EARN the money to buy another xbox 360.
For example, rake the leaves, $5... mow the lawn, $5... vacuum and dust, $5... essentially let them work for a good couple months making $5 here, $5 there until they can afford to buy their own xbox 360. They will DEFINITELY react very differently with this machine, and learn a lesson.
...And if they're lazy shits who don't care about the games and haven't earned any money doing chores in 4 or 5 months, sell the games and use the money to hire a babysitter and take your wife out for dinner.
seems like the main issue was their inability to share. i think cutting them off until they are old enough to handle it is probably the best option. just think if son #1 earned $5 more than son #2, it would be a constant battle over who "owns" it. if they both earn enough to each buy one themselves, then they would be separated in different rooms (w/ new HDTVs, lucky kids, haha) and would probably never want to interact.
also, as i think the OP states, he wants his kids to contribute to the family chores because it's the right thing to do, not because they are getting paid. I never got paid for doing chores, i had to get a "job" walking neighborhood dogs for my spending money.
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