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The following is rated R for stupidity. Reader's discretion is advised.
The following epic story is about a long relationship with ASUS that met its end in a horrifying way.
Prologue
Once upon a time, a French-Canadian hobbit wanted a new computer. About two full moons before the time of this writing, he started buying parts for his new system. Since he hadn't been in the loop for a while, he started researching, reading, and researching some more. He had set himself a budget, and swore he would never surpass it, in the name of all that is saucy. This budget was of 3000$ French-Canadian Shire dollars.
Part 1
The hobbit initially settled on the infamous P5B Deluxe board, having owned Asus cards all his life. Although the little barefoot dwarf had never built a system himself, he had always purchased each part individually, but preferred to leave the assembly to more capable humans. This time however, he would do it himself, and prove that size really doesn't matter! (pfff, yeah, right!).
Part 2
His nightmares about Britney Spear's latest Size-D milkshakes and Lindsay Lohan's shaved Alibaba cavern were soon replaced by worse thoughts: his new machine might not run Crysis at its full potential ! Knowing full well two high-end video cards might not yet be needed, it however wouldn't be overkill to to purchase a SLI board and leave room for a future upgrade. He opted for the P5N32E Plus instead of the EVGA 680i, notably for the 50EUR price difference (which today, seems --extremely-- futile, sort of like Paris Hilton).
Part 3
The little hobbit that had now been living in the land of all that is expansive and small (read: Europe) for three years, he knew everything would be more expansive than in the Shire, but went ahead anyway. He placed the last order with the P5N, and waited patiently. He waited, and waited, and there it arrived, a new ray of hope. It would not last.
Part 4
The little hobbit was nervous, but nonetheless completed the installation. Hours later, after assembling everything, as he glazed upon the gorgeousness of this new system, his small finger made its way to the PSU switch, awaiting a glorious first bootup.
Sort like the first time you see Oprah Winfrey without makeup, the disgust that ensued the flipping was disastrous. Smoke came out of the board, and he saw a little square turned orange, sign of electronic loins burning. The system would not post. Horror.
Part 5
The board was dead. Size did matter, like his female hobbit friend had said. Due to his noobishness probably, he had screwed up the installation. He later stipulated he had misplaced a stand-off perhaps. But it did not matter, it was RMA time. Since ASUS' RMA timeframe is horrible, and he had been waiting for so long, he could not wait 5 weeks and while waiting for the RMA, he purchased a P5B Deluxe to act as a temporary solution. He sent the the P5N to the store, and bought a P5B at the same place.
Part 6
Four days later, the hobbit receives his P5B, with warmth and happiness. But something was wrong. Again, the system would not post. ''Incredible. Impossible'', he said. Disappointed and bitter, he sent the board back.
Part 7
Frustrated, he knew he still couldn't wait so long, but refused to buy yet another ASUS product. Knowing EVGA was the way to go, he wanted the 680i. He really liked EVGA. The 8800GTX he had received was beautiful, and its size greatly resembled that of Lopez's greatest asset. Grandeur. Absolute Grandeur. Since he would be shortly visiting the Shire for a week for educational purposes, and the 680i was less expansive there, he bought it on his trip. There is a story that goes with that, but it will be left out for the purpose of sanity.
Part 8
The ASUS horror was not yet over. The transporter who brought the busted P5N to the shop had botched the job, and the motherboard's box arrived squashed. A radiator was dislodged, and the card was bent. Knowing full well ASUS was anal about physical damage, the Hobbit was scared he would never see that 199EUR again, and filed for insurance immediately. Thankfully, the P5B Dlx was received damageless (but was also shipped via a different courier) by the shopkeeper.
Part 9
It has now been 7 weeks since he sent back the P5N, and 6 weeks for the P5B. He finally received news today. ASUS agreed to reimburse the P5N fully, since they found nothing apparently wrong physically. They are however charging the shopkeeper 15EUR repair fee for the bent pin on the P5B Dlx. The following discussion ensued:
''Hey Bilbo, it's Gandalf from Compumsa. I heard from my supplier'', said the voice.
''Oh really'' replied the Hobbit, curious. ''What did they say?''.
''Well, all seem to be ok and they are sending a P5N, but they are charging 15EUR repair fee for the P5B. ''.
''Ok, so the badly physically damaged P5N got an ok, but the P5B that was received as they got it was charged for? I fail to see the logic...''
''Don't bother Bilbo... I will have seen it all''.
Conclusion
The story finally met its end. The P5B Dlx was fully credited in spite of the repair fee, but a new P5N will be sent since they are too specialized to be kept in-shop. Therefore, the hobbit will soon have a brand new P5N32E to get rid of (hint *wink wink*). Since then the French-Canadian Hobbit finally got his dream system up and running, and lived happily ever after. His budget has long been sent to hell, but he learned the important lesson that a company ran by monkeys who can't speak English well enough to offer phone support is bad. ASUS is forever shitlisted. The knowledge he acquired during this quest will forever be within him. The light will shine over darkness. Whatever.
The End.
The following epic story is about a long relationship with ASUS that met its end in a horrifying way.
Prologue
Once upon a time, a French-Canadian hobbit wanted a new computer. About two full moons before the time of this writing, he started buying parts for his new system. Since he hadn't been in the loop for a while, he started researching, reading, and researching some more. He had set himself a budget, and swore he would never surpass it, in the name of all that is saucy. This budget was of 3000$ French-Canadian Shire dollars.
Part 1
The hobbit initially settled on the infamous P5B Deluxe board, having owned Asus cards all his life. Although the little barefoot dwarf had never built a system himself, he had always purchased each part individually, but preferred to leave the assembly to more capable humans. This time however, he would do it himself, and prove that size really doesn't matter! (pfff, yeah, right!).
Part 2
His nightmares about Britney Spear's latest Size-D milkshakes and Lindsay Lohan's shaved Alibaba cavern were soon replaced by worse thoughts: his new machine might not run Crysis at its full potential ! Knowing full well two high-end video cards might not yet be needed, it however wouldn't be overkill to to purchase a SLI board and leave room for a future upgrade. He opted for the P5N32E Plus instead of the EVGA 680i, notably for the 50EUR price difference (which today, seems --extremely-- futile, sort of like Paris Hilton).
Part 3
The little hobbit that had now been living in the land of all that is expansive and small (read: Europe) for three years, he knew everything would be more expansive than in the Shire, but went ahead anyway. He placed the last order with the P5N, and waited patiently. He waited, and waited, and there it arrived, a new ray of hope. It would not last.
Part 4
The little hobbit was nervous, but nonetheless completed the installation. Hours later, after assembling everything, as he glazed upon the gorgeousness of this new system, his small finger made its way to the PSU switch, awaiting a glorious first bootup.
Sort like the first time you see Oprah Winfrey without makeup, the disgust that ensued the flipping was disastrous. Smoke came out of the board, and he saw a little square turned orange, sign of electronic loins burning. The system would not post. Horror.
Part 5
The board was dead. Size did matter, like his female hobbit friend had said. Due to his noobishness probably, he had screwed up the installation. He later stipulated he had misplaced a stand-off perhaps. But it did not matter, it was RMA time. Since ASUS' RMA timeframe is horrible, and he had been waiting for so long, he could not wait 5 weeks and while waiting for the RMA, he purchased a P5B Deluxe to act as a temporary solution. He sent the the P5N to the store, and bought a P5B at the same place.
Part 6
Four days later, the hobbit receives his P5B, with warmth and happiness. But something was wrong. Again, the system would not post. ''Incredible. Impossible'', he said. Disappointed and bitter, he sent the board back.
Part 7
Frustrated, he knew he still couldn't wait so long, but refused to buy yet another ASUS product. Knowing EVGA was the way to go, he wanted the 680i. He really liked EVGA. The 8800GTX he had received was beautiful, and its size greatly resembled that of Lopez's greatest asset. Grandeur. Absolute Grandeur. Since he would be shortly visiting the Shire for a week for educational purposes, and the 680i was less expansive there, he bought it on his trip. There is a story that goes with that, but it will be left out for the purpose of sanity.
Part 8
The ASUS horror was not yet over. The transporter who brought the busted P5N to the shop had botched the job, and the motherboard's box arrived squashed. A radiator was dislodged, and the card was bent. Knowing full well ASUS was anal about physical damage, the Hobbit was scared he would never see that 199EUR again, and filed for insurance immediately. Thankfully, the P5B Dlx was received damageless (but was also shipped via a different courier) by the shopkeeper.
Part 9
It has now been 7 weeks since he sent back the P5N, and 6 weeks for the P5B. He finally received news today. ASUS agreed to reimburse the P5N fully, since they found nothing apparently wrong physically. They are however charging the shopkeeper 15EUR repair fee for the bent pin on the P5B Dlx. The following discussion ensued:
''Hey Bilbo, it's Gandalf from Compumsa. I heard from my supplier'', said the voice.
''Oh really'' replied the Hobbit, curious. ''What did they say?''.
''Well, all seem to be ok and they are sending a P5N, but they are charging 15EUR repair fee for the P5B. ''.
''Ok, so the badly physically damaged P5N got an ok, but the P5B that was received as they got it was charged for? I fail to see the logic...''
''Don't bother Bilbo... I will have seen it all''.
Conclusion
The story finally met its end. The P5B Dlx was fully credited in spite of the repair fee, but a new P5N will be sent since they are too specialized to be kept in-shop. Therefore, the hobbit will soon have a brand new P5N32E to get rid of (hint *wink wink*). Since then the French-Canadian Hobbit finally got his dream system up and running, and lived happily ever after. His budget has long been sent to hell, but he learned the important lesson that a company ran by monkeys who can't speak English well enough to offer phone support is bad. ASUS is forever shitlisted. The knowledge he acquired during this quest will forever be within him. The light will shine over darkness. Whatever.
The End.
