WOW players with families?

[FoxhoundOp]

Ignorance is bliss, they say. No one controls me. I have the life I have because I chose it. Yes there's a lot of responsibility, but the benefits far outweigh that.

But hey, to each his own. I wouldn't force anyone to marry, even if I could. It's your call. Just don't pretend to understand something that you can't know until you've experienced it.

Yes, they do say that ignorance is bliss. What does any of that have to do with this conversation though? Am I ignorant because I prefer the single life, or did I strike a nerve with the word "uncontrolled"? And what is it that I'm pretending to understand? I've been in a few serious relationships in my short time on this rock so I think I'm somewhat qualified to say that it's not for me.

 

[PopeKevinI]

Yes, they do say that ignorance is bliss. What does any of that have to do with this conversation though? Am I ignorant because I prefer the single life, or did I strike a nerve with the word "uncontrolled"? And what is it that I'm pretending to understand? I've been in a few serious relationships in my short time on this rock so I think I'm somewhat qualified to say that it's not for me.

I mean that you're ignorant of what it is those of us who have opted for life-long commitments actually have. I can't comment on what your relationships were like, but it's been my experience that most people who feel the way you do have never experienced the kind of relationship that leads to a healthy, equitable marriage.

That's why I say you're ignorant. You can't know what I've got, because if you did, you'd be where I am.

But, like I said, nothing wrong with choosing another path. Just be careful of what you think you know about the choices other people make. I'm no more "controlled" than you. I've just chosen a life with more responsibilities, and more things that make me happy.

 

[Frosteh]

I've got a question for "mature" World of Warcraft players who have families (wifes, young children etc). Are you able to successfully balance in game time with all of your other responsibilities (IT careers, spending quality time with your family etc). Do you feel satisfaction even though you can only play 10-20 hours a week?

I'm getting married next year, and really want to get into WOW again. I find PC games a huge stress relief from my busy career and family life. I'm curious how you all balance the game with other responsibilities, and if it is actually a viable choice moving forward.

thanks,

Playrh8r

Do you have any self control?

If so then go for it, the thing you want to avoid is using gaming as an escape from real life if you have a family you need to make sure you spend quality time with them.

Me...I don't have that many friends or any family so I can pretty much spend my entire free time playing games, which is one of the reasons I stay away from online RPG's, because you can get sucked in!

 

[Frosteh]

That's why I say you're ignorant. You can't know what I've got, because if you did, you'd be where I am.

On it's own that's a logical fallacy that trys to negate any kind of actual explination of why it's better to have a long term relationship.

All people are different, some people need constant love and affection otherwise they feel lonely and unloved, others simply don't need that as much.

I'm in a great position for a relationship right now, I've rencetly had a pay raise and moved into a nice flat big enough for two, I've got a steady job and no real commitments and a tonne of spare time. Do I want a serious relationship? Not really, I can't be arsed Do I want to get married ever? No. I already made that choice a long time ago and I still feel strongly about that.

What can I say, some people are loners, thinking they're somehow inferiour because they do not have long term relationships simply isn't very nice, I can however see how you've convinced yourself that the only possible way they can't want what you want is because they've never experienced it. I'd try and stay away from assumptions like that.

 

[wreckingcrew]

Oh it's definately doable, but probably not something you'd want to spend much time on your first several months of marrage. You need to work on your relationship, not on a game. WoW will suck you in, especially in your quest to get to lvl 60 as quickly as possible. I'd give your marriage some time, then start the game when you feel your relationship can handle the stress of you gaming 10+ hrs a week.

I'm married, two small children, and I've been WoW'ing since release. Definately enjoy your first character and enjoy exploring. I miss that about the game. End-game raiding gets to be a pain in the rear, having to put in several hours per raid to complete an instance. I've got 140 played days on my tank, all T2 gear, and I'm about ready to retire. I just can't do the 2 nights a week raids anymore.

 

[Standpoint]

This is a great thread.

There is definitely a difference between married gamers and single gamers. Neither is 'better' than another. However, the choices made in life really affect your gaming time. If you're married, gaming will often come at the expense of time spent with your wife and kids. Some wives handle this with indifference, while others will leave you. Each relationship is different.

MMOs are possibly the worst or hardest to balance timewise with a family. The nature of the game itself calls for large blocks of time to be spent in a session, which is often only done at the expense of spending time with the wife and kids.

Most of my friends are single, and have a hard time understanding why I can't "just play when I want to". Sometimes Im envious of their ability to come home from work and then play for eight hours, but then I think of my wife doing my laundry, cooking for me and the smiles from my kids and I realize how good it can be.

Plus, my five year old is already a gamer, probably puts more time on my PC than I do. He even installed Lego Star Wars 2 himself. Once he gets a few years older, he'll probably own me in shooters. And now, I can use him as an excuse to give him my old PC and upgrade........

 

[PopeKevinI]

What can I say, some people are loners, thinking they're somehow inferiour because they do not have long term relationships simply isn't very nice, I can however see how you've convinced yourself that the only possible way they can't want what you want is because they've never experienced it. I'd try and stay away from assumptions like that.

We're seriously risking derailing the thread here, but it's semi-relevant so I'm going to keep the conversation alive.

I'm not implying any sort of inferiority. I myself am quite a loner; until I met my wife I planned on being single for quite some time before "settling down" and getting married later in life. There's absolutely nothing wrong with choosing either. What I'm saying is that the notions expressed by a few people in this thread tell me that they really don't understand what this type of relationship is all about. I'm not controlled, nor do I control my wife. My life is not hindered, I've not been forced to change, I haven't given up anything that I didn't choose to give up.

I called him ignorant because he clearly didn't understand the nature of relationships like some of us have. I honestly don't think it's something you *can* understand without experiencing it...and no, I'm not talking about "serious relationships". I'm talking about relationships that make you completely reevaluate what is important to you, and quite literally change your life.

Again, I'm not saying one way is better or worse. I'm saying that implying that long-term relationships and marriage are bad because you are "controlled" by someone else is inaccurate, and that saying such things only shows how little you understand it. I was happy as a single loner. I'm equally happy as a married father of (soon to be) two. It's two completely different lives, and I have enjoyed them both. It bothers me when someone who has only seen what's on one side of the fence tells me how much greener it is.

 

[kelbear]

I don't think you can marry and raise a family while playing WoW past level 60. Before then, you can probably do it, but after that the chunks of time needed are just too much for that kind of life. Other games would definitely be possible. Games where you can just save on the spot and come back later, or where you can get some achievements done in just 30-60 minutes.

 

[FoxhoundOp]

We're seriously risking derailing the thread here, but it's semi-relevant so I'm going to keep the conversation alive.

I'm not implying any sort of inferiority. I myself am quite a loner; until I met my wife I planned on being single for quite some time before "settling down" and getting married later in life. There's absolutely nothing wrong with choosing either. What I'm saying is that the notions expressed by a few people in this thread tell me that they really don't understand what this type of relationship is all about. I'm not controlled, nor do I control my wife. My life is not hindered, I've not been forced to change, I haven't given up anything that I didn't choose to give up.

I called him ignorant because he clearly didn't understand the nature of relationships like some of us have. I honestly don't think it's something you *can* understand without experiencing it...and no, I'm not talking about "serious relationships". I'm talking about relationships that make you completely reevaluate what is important to you, and quite literally change your life.

Again, I'm not saying one way is better or worse. I'm saying that implying that long-term relationships and marriage are bad because you are "controlled" by someone else is inaccurate, and that saying such things only shows how little you understand it. I was happy as a single loner. I'm equally happy as a married father of (soon to be) two. It's two completely different lives, and I have enjoyed them both. It bothers me when someone who has only seen what's on one side of the fence tells me how much greener it is.

It's amazing how defensive you are. How was I trying to tell you how much greener it is? I told you what's for me. It's good that you don't feel controlled but that doesn't mean it's like that for everyone else, and when did married life come into this? This part of the conversation's roots is in a comment that I made towards a guy who said he had to choose between WoW and his girlfriend. Whatever, drop it, this is getting annoying.

 

[lost0822]

Has nothing to do with that.

I simply refuse to cater to their every whim. Children need some independence and to build thought processes on their own. My sister in law is a perfect example of a mother that did too much for her child. My MIL did her homework for her throughout high school. She is 23, still lives at home, and has barely been out of their sight for more than a few days at a time. She never built any sort of independence because her mother was right there, doing everything.

what?

how do you expect to leave a child, under a certain age, alone long enough to "fend for themselves"????

i can see my wife now...."honey, can you just let our 11 month old son just fed for himself and branch out...jeez, he need to start getting an imagination!"...."now let me go back to WOW please"

she'd kill me.

 

[FoxhoundOp]

what?

how do you expect to leave a child, under a certain age, alone long enough to "fend for themselves"????

i can see my wife now...."honey, can you just let our 11 month old son just fed for himself and branch out...jeez, he need to start getting an imagination!"...."now let me go back to WOW please"

she'd kill me.

I think you missed what he was saying. If you read his first post, he said once they get older and mobile.

Sure, I also try and find things for my children to do, helping my son with his writing, reading books to my daughter, but once your children are a little bit older and basically mobile, your every waking second does NOT have to be spent coddling them in some form or another.

 

[Standpoint]

what?

how do you expect to leave a child, under a certain age, alone long enough to "fend for themselves"????

i can see my wife now...."honey, can you just let our 11 month old son just fed for himself and branch out...jeez, he need to start getting an imagination!"...."now let me go back to WOW please"

she'd kill me.

LOL!!!

If I said that, I would have to take my PC everywhere with me to prevent my wife from destroying it, or likely kicking my ass by throwing the PC at me.

 

[lost0822]

I think you missed what he was saying. If you read his first post, he said once they get older and mobile.

Sure, I also try and find things for my children to do, helping my son with his writing, reading books to my daughter, but once your children are a little bit older and basically mobile, your every waking second does NOT have to be spent coddling them in some form or another.

ahhh...missed that part..my bad.

 

[Frosteh]

Well thats the thing in a good/healthy relationship you want to spend a certain amount of time with your partner, and not just in bed

I think if you're at the point where you're gaming and you feel like you're being controlled because your partner is complaining and pulling you away from the PC then your relationship might not be as strong as what it first seems.

On the other hand some people can get jealous of activities which draw their partner away from them, especially if they cannot join in or understand what the attraction is.

I'm quite happy playing (and making) games, and my philosophy is do what makes you happy as long as you don't hurt others. To be honest the effort in finding and starting, then maintaining a relationship isn't especially worth the effort, i'd prefer to play games and be entertained than be hunting women and being shot down.

I don't think I'm scared of rejection but it seems like a massive effort before you find someone thats perfect for you and also vice versa, and that time could be spent doing something I know I enjoy.

When something good happens to come along with no real effort on my part then we're talking, but I have no false hopes of that being very likely at all, so have resigned myself to the fact that Im probably going to be single for quite some time, and I'm OK with that.

 

[PopeKevinI]

It's amazing how defensive you are. How was I trying to tell you how much greener it is? I told you what's for me. It's good that you don't feel controlled but that doesn't mean it's like that for everyone else, and when did married life come into this? This part of the conversation's roots is in a comment that I made towards a guy who said he had to choose between WoW and his girlfriend. Whatever, drop it, this is getting annoying.

Let's take a look at what started this whole discussion:

It really is sad when people make you change to be with them. Good luck with that relationship man.

To which I replied that in a healthy, mature relationship no one is forced to change; it's voluntary and usually not even conscious. The relationship changes you without you even realizing it.

And then:

Meh. I'll stick to living life for me and being uncontrolled.

Do you see how one could take those two comments to imply that you think relationships are controlling and force you into things you don't want?

I know people who devote as much time to WoW in a week as they do to their jobs.

168 hours in a week
-50 hours for work (40 working, plus lunch break and an hour of driving time)
-30 hours for gaming
-50 hours for sleeping

That leaves 38 hours out of the week for everything else. You're gonna have to spread it pretty thin to get things done and still have any sort of social life, and a girlfriend is going to feel pretty unimportant. No, a relationship isn't going to work if you don't make it a priority. If you don't spend time with friends, they find new friends. If you don't spend time with a girlfriend, she's not going to stick around. She *will* ask you to make a choice, because she doesn't want to play second fiddle to a computer. There's nothing wrong with that. If you're not willing to give up *some* gaming for a girl, then she's obviously not worth spending time with anyway

When my wife and I got serious, we had a long discussion about my gaming. I started it. I wanted her to understand that this was my hobby, that I didn't watch TV and played games instead. I showed her that this wasn't some juvenile activity and that it to me it was a legitimate form of entertainment, more engaging and stimulating than the boob tube. She accepted that about me and we talked about making sure that my games didn't become a problem in our marriage.

edit: and this last paragraph brings all this back around to the point of the thread: If your SO has an issue with your gaming, you need to have a serious talk about what they have a problem with. When you have kids, you'll just have to learn how to work around them to get in game time. I stay up late every few nights to get in my gaming. You'll figure out what works for you and your family. Just don't push the kids away to do it

 

[playrh8r]

For those who do play WOW casually with families, do you play on a PvP or PvE realm?

Jeff

 

[UnfaTeFuL]

It's called time management and discpline. Those who fail at it, often criticize the game being addictive and taking too much time. I can manage to fit in more than 30 hours a week into WoW, WITH a 40 hour job, 2 hours a day with the kids and wife and 15-20 hours to do whatever I want. People often waste an extra 2-3 hours oversleeping a day, that's like 14 hours wasted a week. I don't like waste a 1/3rd of my life oversleeping, there's plenty of that when you're dead.


Plus you don't need to raid 6-7 hours a day to get the best items in the game. Those type of guilds want their shit ASAP. A more laid back PvE guild can get naxx on farm status but it just won't be as fast as a hardcore.


I play on a PvP realm.

 

[playrh8r]

I play on a PvP realm.

Yeah i'm definitly thinking PVP realm from what I have read. With my casual schedule it might be fun to pop in and raid a town for a bit and log off.

Jeff

 

[KidzMD]

It's called time management and discpline. Those who fail at it, often criticize the game being addictive and taking too much time. I can manage to fit in more than 30 hours a week into WoW, WITH a 40 hour job, 2 hours a day with the kids and wife and 15-20 hours to do whatever I want. People often waste an extra 2-3 hours oversleeping a day, that's like 14 hours wasted a week. I don't like waste a 1/3rd of my life oversleeping, there's plenty of that when you're dead.

30 hours a week WoW
40 hours a week job
14 hours a day wife/kids
6 hours a night sleeping? (72 hours)
15-20 hours to your self

That's at a minimum 171 hours - there are only 168 hours in a week. So, something doesn't jive. If you're getting less than 6 hours of sleep a night, might want to rethink it as it significantly increases your risk of heart disease and premature death.

Also, are you sure your wife and kids are ok with you spending twice as much time on the game as with them? If you're kids are young, I can't imagine this lifestyle is going to be self-sustaining as they get older and want more of your time. Plus what about work around the house, exercise, time for meals, etc... If your wife is doing all the housework, raising the kids, paying the bills, etc...I suspect you're going to be in for a rude awakening in the near future.

 

[dotK]

Yeah i'm definitly thinking PVP realm from what I have read. With my casual schedule it might be fun to pop in and raid a town for a bit and log off.

Jeff

The game doesn't work like that. Town raid seldom occur (may happen slightly more often in the future). If you're not 60 you can't even kill the guards in many places.