good for a little laugh.....

Ok, here you go!

A Special Message to my Battlefield 2 Nemesis
An open letter to the dude who stole the vehicle I was repairing.
By Dave 'Fargo' Kosak | June 23, 2005


Hello, readers! It is the fickle nature of the large, anonymous Internet that forbids me from contacting my Battlefield 2 nemesis directly, so I'm speaking to him here, in this open forum. Yes, this column is dedicated to one person and one person only: [ST]Stryker667, with whom I had a brief but unfortunate encounter on the GameSpy West Coast Ranked Battlefield 2 server last night.

Don't remember me? Allow me to paint a picture for you, [ST]Stryker667. I was in a tank on the Karkand map, and I was at the top of the score list. I had racked up kill after kill, brushing aside infantry and vehicles alike. I'm a cautious tank driver, [ST]Stryker667: I shell from a distance, keeping my eyes on my flanks and repairing after each encounter. [ST]Stryker667, we were winning the battle. Oh yes. Between myself and my excellent-all-but-for-one-guy team, we had the map locked down. We did, [ST]Stryker667, we did indeed.

And then, as I paused in friendly territory to hop out and repair my tank, YOU jumped into it and drove it away -- still damaged! -- toward the enemy.

You didn't even have the common decency to run me over to save the effort of walking back to base.

But let me tell you something, [ST]Stryker667, let me tell you something loud and clear. I'm letting you in on a little secret. Between you and me, I had a contingency plan reserved in the event that my tank was stolen by smacktards such as yourself. Yes I did. And you want to know what my secret is, [ST]Stryker667? Five magical little words, my friend.

I pooped in your tank. That's right:


Dave 'Fargo' Kosak will do whatever it takes
to win this war.


You probably didn't notice when you got in, but now that the hatches are closed, life's gonna start getting PRE-tty pungent. Not to toot my own horn. I pooped in your tank. Now, my contingency plan is not located in an obvious place. No, [ST]Stryker667, no sir I'm going to let you find it on your own. Perhaps in the middle of furious combat when you reach down for the handbrake and then -- Ah! Made you look! Oh no [ST]Stryker667, you won't find my little backup plan until you least expect it.

Not that you'll have my tank for very long. Judging by the seizure-symptomatic way you play this game you've got the kind of sharp-as-water mental acumen of someone who needs verbal cues to put on his pants in the morning. Are you even wearing pants, [ST]Stryker667? I wasn't. When I pooped. In your tank. Enjoy your ill-gotten gains, smacktard.

Welcome to Doody, Soldier. •
 
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