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Wordsmiths needed....

Hello, My name Is (INSERT NAME HERE) I am a local moderator from another forum called [H]ardforum, which is affliated with the tech site [H]ardOCP. Part of what I do is help with our Distributed Computing Teams, mainly Folding@Home and United Devices. We, the Hardforum teams, have been actively searching for new members and groups to join us in the search for the cure.

We would like to invite you and your members to join our F@H team as a sub team. The specifics are not set in stone, but the general idea is to change your usernames to include (DFI) at the end and change the team to "33". We realize that this will mean your points will reset to zero, but unfortunately, the current structure of Folding@Home does not allow for the transfer of points from one team to another. However, in return, we have much to offer you. We have a highly active sub forum just for this cause and many team members to help you out with any problems you might run into while folding (and, well, just about anything else you feel like asking). There is also an IRC channel where you can find many of our members and find real-time help with folding issues or any other computer issue. Or you could just hang out with other members and get to know each other. Along with community, we hold contests and gauntlets with prizes ranging from custum case folding badges to entire folding boxes. [insert linkage(s)]. Several of our members have also developed tools to assist in disk-less folding farms and linux farms. [insert linkage]

If you do not wish to join us at this time, I understand. You have worked hard for your points, and we're happy to be working alongside you. However, we would love to have you all as teammates.

Thanks for you time and let me know if you have any questions,etc!

Still feels like it's missing stuff...not quite sure what/how to add it. All I did was play with the wording...but there's my try.
 
yeah i still feel it is missing something too... read that and was like i have read that somewere before...

 
It seems a little too impersonal and it leaves out / glosses over the competative nature of the entire teams system design.

I mean, we want them to join us because we need their help to become number 1, which isn't mentioned. And all of the stuff that is there is what we can offer in exchange. Also there is only slight mention of them being able to keep their own team identity within the [H]orde, and that they'll be able to compete with other evenly matched sub-teams and even individually with us, while helping our team become number 1 in the world. You have to appeal to their senses of identity and competition. And let them know that they'll be able to compete on multiple levels by doing this, individually, locally ( within the [H]orde ) and Globally.

And maybe you could put a little American patriotism in it also....I know we have members from other countries but the majority are American and the guys you are going after are American also.

Just some thoughts.

 
I offer Oldbenwa's body for the cause!!!! Mage too but I think he's so skinny won't help much
 
rodsfree said:
It seems a little too impersonal and it leaves out / glosses over the competative nature of the entire teams system design.

I mean, we want them to join us because we need their help to become number 1, which isn't mentioned. And all of the stuff that is there is what we can offer in exchange. Also there is only slight mention of them being able to keep their own team identity within the [H]orde, and that they'll be able to compete with other evenly matched sub-teams and even individually with us, while helping our team become number 1 in the world. You have to appeal to their senses of identity and competition. And let them know that they'll be able to compete on multiple levels by doing this, individually, locally ( within the [H]orde ) and Globally.

And maybe you could put a little American patriotism in it also....I know we have members from other countries but the majority are American and the guys you are going after are American also.

Just some thoughts.

Click to expand...
I agree....we need to apeal to the sense of team and competition a bit more...
 
AtomicMoose said:
I agree....we need to apeal to the sense of team and competition a bit more...
Click to expand...

WOW!!!
I feel blessed.
The Moose has agreed with me.......( does the happy dance )

It take so little to make my day! :D
I must really lead a shelterd life.

Seriously.....the competition is why we're approaching these guys to become member sub-teams.

We need to really highlight that aspect of it.

 
Yeah..that's probably what it was missing, I can't think of a way of going about adding it in though. Can't emphasize it TOO much..well...we have to watch our wording. Don't want to make it seem TOO selfish. Dunno..just...an idea.

Also, we might want to add in a section for proposals to major forums. Maybe something that separates us from other teams that have probably asked before us. What sets us apart? The whole competition thing can probably be tied in here as well.

hmm...I wish I had this much drive for writing my personal statements...hehe :p
 
A cut up and modified version of gwai lo's proposal, maybe it'll help with more ideas.


Hello, My name Is (INSERT NAME HERE) I am a local moderator from another forum called [H]ardforum, which is affliated with the tech site [H]ardOCP. Part of what I do is help with our Distributed Computing Teams, mainly Folding@Home and United Devices. We, the Hardforum teams, have been actively searching for new members and groups to join us in the search for the cure.

We are currently in heavy competition with Overclockers Austrailia for the #1 spot on the aggregate team list, and are actively searching for more members to help us take that spot. It's always important to remember than any Folding is helping humanity to find a cure, no matter which team it's for, but as computer enthusiests such as you and I, as well as our team members, we also have a friendly competition amongst ourselves for rankings.

We would like to invite you and your members to join our F@H team as a sub-team. All this would require of your members is to add a (DFI) to their username as to retain their unique DFI identity, and change their team number to 33. The way F@H is setup, your members will loose their existing points as they do not transfer unfortunatly, but in return they would immediatly get boosted into the second place as far as team rankings, with their work assisting in overtaking the number one spot in the future.

In return, we have much to offer you. We have a highly active sub-forum devoted entirely to the Folding cause and an IRC channel for support, or just to chat with fellow computer enthusiests. We also have regular giveaways ranging from case badges, to entire computers. Several of our members have also developed tools to assist in disk-less folding farms and linux farms. [insert linkage]

If you do not wish to join us at this time, I understand. You have worked hard for your points, and we're happy to be working alongside you. However, we would love to have you all as teammates.

I appreciate your time and consideration in this matter, feel free to discuss this proposition to your fellow members and develop a consensus, and let me know either way.

Thank you, xxx
 
I like it, but here's another wording....The way F@H is setup, your members will loose their existing points as they do not transfer unfortunatly, but in return they would become a member of the #2 team in the world, with their work assisting in regaining the number one spot in the near future.

Also, maybe add how they "don't have to add the (dfi) tag to differentiate them".....(just in case they don't want to feel like the red headed step child) and they can keep their current points?
 
SpoogeMonkey said:
I like it, but here's another wording....The way F@H is setup, your members will lose their existing points as they do not transfer unfortunately, but in return they will become a member of the #2 team in the world, with their work assisting in regaining the number one spot in the near future.
Click to expand...
Fixed minor errors... good stuff here.

 
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