The Official *Post your funny oblivion moments thread

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Hupo

[H]ard|Gawd
Joined
Aug 14, 2005
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Hey guys since Ive been hearing ALOT of talk of some funny ass storys in oblivion id figure id give you guys to post all at once and share your stories. I got none YET because I made a new character and just finishing up the first quest. So post away
 
I don't know about you guys but one particularly funny incident where I was stuck on top of a mountain in a savegame loop...I had saved it right the moment a clanfear spotted me...I was already wounded and hadn't saved for awhile...I couldn't face him head on...so what did I do...I ran....right down the mountain...luckily I was a surefooted thief, skilled in acrobatics...I took some damage.....the clanfear didn't make it....I stopped and look passed as its body rolled past me and down the mountain....
 
lmao how do you get killed by a horse like that lol just run
 
Hupo said:
lmao how do you get killed by a horse like that lol just run
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how do you outrun a horse?

"Bees? Fuck that! Bees aren't taking me out! I could understand if it were Killer Horses...flying at your, kicking you in the face--that's some scary shit!" - Dane Cook
 
Lol, tell that to someone who tries to steal a horse while it's inside a stable, and the other horses are blocking the exits!
 
Hupo said:
lmao how do you get killed by a horse like that lol just run
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I tried stealing a horse(and there was noone around), but magically a guard popped out and chased after me. I ran backwards shooting flares/arrows at him. I killed him and was all but dead, when the horse bucks up and kicks me in the face a few times.
 
i thought this was funny. the woman is talking all this crap about her husband while he is standing RIGHT NEXT TO HER.

also, the first trip into oblivion, i had trouble finding a key, i pressed this elevator button and this enemy corpse comes up with the elevator, and what do you know it had the key.. it like served it to me on a platter.. i think i was actually supposed to fight him but somehow the elevator killed him...
 
I went into some town (Aleswell I think, something like that) and was checking out the first house. Didn't look like anybody was home so I went over to the bed to rest and there was an invisible man sleeping in the bed. He pops up and starts talking to me, scared the crap out of me! :p
 
Sabrewulf165 said:
I went into some town (Aleswell I think, something like that) and was checking out the first house. Didn't look like anybody was home so I went over to the bed to rest and there was an invisible man sleeping in the bed. He pops up and starts talking to me, scared the crap out of me! :p
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lol nice
 
Woke up a bandit in Imperial Marketplace sewere. I didn't wanna kill him and have a bounty to deal with (I was right in the middle of breaking into every locked door I could find), so I un-assed the sewer and went back topside. The bandit followed me, and attacked a guard, who killed the bandit. Then I looted the bandit's body and went back to thieving.
 
Sabrewulf165 said:
I went into some town (Aleswell I think, something like that) and was checking out the first house. Didn't look like anybody was home so I went over to the bed to rest and there was an invisible man sleeping in the bed. He pops up and starts talking to me, scared the crap out of me! :p
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I did the same thing. I went into the house, looked around, no one was home. I then stole anything I wanted and just for kicks I started to trash the guys house. I destroyed the books off the shelves, plates, pictures, everything, I really had some fun. Once I am done I turn to leave, thinking I got away scot-free and there is an invisable guy who starts asking for my help. LOL Maybe I was the worng person to ask... Idiot!
 
I've experienced the dead body on the elevator too... only my dead body wouldn't stop twitching and flailing around. I shot some arrows at it just to make sure it was dead and moving and not alive and twitching...
 
There is a quest for Aleswell... let me know if you want the location (PM or post here)
 
I snuck into one of the watch towers in the Imperial City and pickpocketed an Imperial cuirass and greaves off a sleeping guard. I'm strolling through town the next day when I spot this poor fellow, and feel compelled to sit down on the curb and laugh at him.

 
Galloping toward Anvil in the middle of the night, I was held up by a Khajit bandit. I refused to cough up the money and as I was running away, an Imperial Guard on horse spotted the bandit. I paused to watch the ensuing fight. The imperial got off of his horse and exchanged blows with the bandit. Mid-battle the bandit accidentally struck the imperial's horse and it then proceeded to stomp on his face until he was dead. All of this was comically lit up by torch light in otherwise pitch blackness.
 
PNut12345 said:
Woke up a bandit in Imperial Marketplace sewere. I didn't wanna kill him and have a bounty to deal with (I was right in the middle of breaking into every locked door I could find), so I un-assed the sewer and went back topside. The bandit followed me, and attacked a guard, who killed the bandit. Then I looted the bandit's body and went back to thieving.
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You don't get bounty for killing bandits...

But, yeah, I've done that a few times, myself. Hit a monster or person I couldn't beat, so just fled at high speed over to guards....or over traps (in dungeons)....or to other beasts. The ability of monsters to follow you THROUGH doors works to your advantage a lot. I hit Wraiths a lot at my level - and if you didn't know, you CANNOT beat Wraiths in close combat (alright, alright, it's TECHNICALLY possibly, I'm sure...if you are DAMNED lucky). However, they are slow as HELL...so just lead them right out of the dungeon into open fields, and start sticking them with arrows until they die.

Being an archer, I'm also REALLY not a fan of zombies - to whom arrows have damn near no effect at all. Best solution to them? Lead THEM outside, through a pack of wolves. :D
 
*SPOILER*








When i was one a mission for the Dark Brotherhood i ran into something that made me laugh.
One of the missions has you going to a "house party" in the house there is a group of people who were invited to this party by a "secret" person. And they were all told if they could find a hidden chest of gold they could leave the house (the house was locked once you show up...think house on haunted hill)
well your job is to kill everyone of those people with a bonus if you do it where no one else can see you do it.
well the party members were a Nord, an old woman,a rich guy and some other dark elf chick and an ex guard (if i remember right)
Well when I showed up and the doors were locked, I talked to each of them to see whats what and whos who. Well i find out one of the members (the guard) is asleep so i go into his room and kill him. Everyone freaks out about the death when you talk to them and the Nord starts drinking more meade. Well next thing i know the dark elf some how kills HERSELF in the fireplace. Everyone once again freaks out and the Nord drinks more meade. now all that is left is the Nord the old woman and the rich guy, I talk to the rich guy and he says the Nord has been drinking more and more with each death. So I talk with the Nord and he tells me how if one more person dies he'll go down into the cellar and steal all the alcohol and drink himself into a stuppor.well the rich guy goes upstairs and i follow him into his room and kill him. I go back down stairs and well the Nord and the old woman are all that is left so I talk to the Nord and he gives a speach about how he knows hes not the one killing everyone and he knows its not me so it must be the old woman. at which time he says hes not gonna allow her to get him. well he runs off and beats the old woman to death with his bare hands...and i watched killing myself laughing.
after she was dead he ran down to the cellar which i killed him in
 
i was at the waterfront in Imperial city just strolling around when i happened to notice 3 guys ganging up on an imperial guard. As this was happening, 2 other guards came to help and 5 other guys came to help the other bandits (i guess u can call them that). The result, 3 dead guards. heh. Nevertheless it was a fun fight to watch and i happened to loot the armor.. woot.. heh..
 
Someone attacked me in the big city, so I ran to find a guard. Every other npc ran away screaming, cept one lady who started to attack the bandit with her bare hands. Luckily, a guard saved her life.

It is very funny to watch a horse own a bandit. :D
 
I had some orc in a cave running at me right as I hit him with two quick fireballs. To my surprise the first killed him and the body got launched backwards and his claymore came flying right at me. I ended up catching it in mid-air.

Also when you're using area affect fireballs and you happen to blow a bear/wolf off a cliff it's pretty funny to watch, sometimes they're just now worth running all the way down to loot. Hit a herd of deer with one and saw 3 flaming reindeer.

Funnier one involved one of those dregloth(big alligator looking thing) things in a cave. I summoned it and was just standing around looting chests/corpses while i'm seeing these bodies fly past me and screams in the background. Hearing all this combat in the background as they're doing all they can to try and stop it. Even funnier because it's so big it takes up the entire hallway for the more confined caves. Makes for a nice meat shield. Then I get a message that i've killed off some guy and completed the quest.
 
My own funny moment :

I was working my way in a Oblivion Plane in one of the towers. In the tower, I noticed someone in a cage over the void in the middle. I searched around for a way to free him and i found a switch. I activated it and to my surprise, the cage floor opened and he fell to the bottom crushed to death... I felt bad for him then laughed out loud for the unexpected turn of events. I looted the body and found only a measly lockpick (he could have used it to flee :confused: ).

Another one in the same plane :

I killed a Daedric Churn (spelling?) and his body fell on the ground at the edge of the void. I managed to loot him fast before he slipped. The weird thing is that while looting, it's hanging for a long time on just his legs and just when i'm done, he slipped down.
 
In a town I won't mention, I got a quest to clean a ship out of ghosts. Well, not far into the ship I was jumped by three ghosts so, being the brave soldier I am, I ran like a little girl. Unfortunately, the ghosts followed me into town and started killing all of the NPCs. There weren't any nearby guards, so about 12 NPCs died to these things before I decided to reload the game to keep an entire town from being wiped out.

But it was funny to watch all of these people try to PUNCH a ghost.
 
I was fighting a Dremora in Oblivion and my first strick on him was a sideways power hit with a sword. Did very little damage but he fell back and went right off the edge and fell from the very top. Long long fall for him. Splat.

Another time a Dremora spell caster was casting a spell and a Clanfear ran up behind him and pushed him out of the way, right off the ledge. He fell a bit and landed on a spike. Ouch.

Found two NPC's in the wild walking on the road which is on a high cliff. I thought they were bandits (was at edge of visible range for NPC's) so I hit sneak and fired an arrow. Hit one and killed him instantly. The other NPC paniced and ran... right off the cliff and fell to his death. Two birds with one stone. I even got my arrow back :D

I fell of a ledge in a fight with several dremora's, I was being overwhelmed and would have lost. So I fell and somehow since I slide down the wall I took fairly little damage (nearly dead, but still alive). So then while trying to devise a new plan I look up, and see two of them decide to jump to follow me. By they did not fare so well.
 
I found a fort in the woods that was being guarded by a bandit who was up on the tower of this old fort. She saw me and I saw her, but there was no way for either of us to run into each other because of the wall. She stood there and told me I was gonna die and some other shit. Then she started to fire Elvin Arrows at me. I was far enough away that I could hear them being fired and then simply side step out of the way. She fired arrow after arrow and I just kept side steping and collecting the Elvin Arrows. I guess she shot off all the arrows she had cause all of a sudden the Bow Hits me. She ran out of arrows and tossed her bow at me.... LOL
 
Majin said:
I found a fort in the woods that was being guarded by a bandit who was up on the tower of this old fort. She saw me and I saw her, but there was no way for either of us to run into each other because of the wall. She stood there and told me I was gonna die and some other shit. Then she started to fire Elvin Arrows at me. I was far enough away that I could hear them being fired and then simply side step out of the way. She fired arrow after arrow and I just kept side steping and collecting the Elvin Arrows. I guess she shot off all the arrows she had cause all of a sudden the Bow Hits me. She ran out of arrows and tossed her bow at me.... LOL
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... i dont think they can trow bows in the game. ;)
 
********Spoilers*******














This was during the Dark Brotherhood quest when you have to sneak on the pirate ship and kill the captain. Well they had given some hint that you should try to sneak aboard inside a crate. I didnt really feel like messing with that so I decided I would just try and kill the guards instead. I went around the corner and sneak attacked one of the pirates. It was kind of far away and I hadnt noticed that there were two guards there as well. Well apparently I had inadvertantly hit an imperial guard instead and he just looked over at one of the pirates and started beating the crap out of him. They ended up all fighting until there was just one guard left who was almost dead. I proceeded to kill him and loot everyone before I strolled into the captains quarters.
 
Shadowmare is a goddamn BEAST.



I'm just chilling on my horse, traveling to yet another ruin in some god forsakened corner of the world. I get jumped by a couple of bandits. I dismount, but to my surprise, shadowmare goes apeshit. She/He proceeds to kick the living shit out of the bandits.. I was surprised.

When one of them died the other tried to flee.

Shadow just chased after him and stomped him good.

It's like a pet.. a bloodthirsty red eyed horse of a pet.

 
Mine was in Bravil. I was walking around looking for the mages guild and this old woman comes up to me. "Can you spare a coin?. My children are starving". I noticed she had a single bed roll and since the other beggars were far too needy i didnt give her a coin. She looked annoyed by this and i laughed as she walked straight off the cliff into the river. I ran over to see if she was alright, but she was just floating there. I guess the fall killed her. Being the good samaritan i am. I jumped in after to her and robbed her. 1 measly gold. Not suprised her imaginary kids were starving.
 
i can't help but laugh everytime i bribe someone, or give a gold coin to a beggar, only to pickpocket it back a moment later.

i was surprised when doing the "Fingers of the Mountain" quest. i had to give a book to one of two people (you have to choose). i gave it to the supposed "good guy", and then promptly swiped it back, along with 67 gold (the most i've found on a person so far). i didn't think the game would actually have that option written into the script, but when i approach the other party to give them the book, i get a prompt that pops up and says (something like), "You've stolen the book back from such-and-such... Now give it to so-and-so to continue the quest."

man, they've thought of everything.
sweet.

oh yeah! i went to kill Rufio the other day (from the Dark Brotherhood quests), and i slice him right as he's running thru a doorway. he falls, but due to collision effects (or something), his head is thru the door, with his body laying in the doorway. his neck was stretch in a very grotesque way, and the body is flinging in all directions making a loud slamming noise (this has happened other times as well). it was so funny/creepy that i had to call my wife in to see. even she thought it was funny.
 
Yeah this is quickly turning into the "make up wild bullshit" thread. Not picking on everyone or anyone in particular, but let's face it, the physics and AI in this game are not THAT advanced. Next thing you know people are going to be claiming that an NPC solved the Riemann hypothesis.
 
Majin said:
I found a fort in the woods that was being guarded by a bandit who was up on the tower of this old fort. She saw me and I saw her, but there was no way for either of us to run into each other because of the wall. She stood there and told me I was gonna die and some other shit. Then she started to fire Elvin Arrows at me. I was far enough away that I could hear them being fired and then simply side step out of the way. She fired arrow after arrow and I just kept side steping and collecting the Elvin Arrows. I guess she shot off all the arrows she had cause all of a sudden the Bow Hits me. She ran out of arrows and tossed her bow at me.... LOL
Click to expand...

that's some funny sheeit!
:D
 
Visable-assassin said:
*SPOILER*








When i was one a mission for the Dark Brotherhood i ran into something that made me laugh.
One of the missions has you going to a "house party" in the house there is a group of people who were invited to this party by a "secret" person. And they were all told if they could find a hidden chest of gold they could leave the house (the house was locked once you show up...think house on haunted hill)
well your job is to kill everyone of those people with a bonus if you do it where no one else can see you do it.
well the party members were a Nord, an old woman,a rich guy and some other dark elf chick and an ex guard (if i remember right)
Well when I showed up and the doors were locked, I talked to each of them to see whats what and whos who. Well i find out one of the members (the guard) is asleep so i go into his room and kill him. Everyone freaks out about the death when you talk to them and the Nord starts drinking more meade. Well next thing i know the dark elf some how kills HERSELF in the fireplace. Everyone once again freaks out and the Nord drinks more meade. now all that is left is the Nord the old woman and the rich guy, I talk to the rich guy and he says the Nord has been drinking more and more with each death. So I talk with the Nord and he tells me how if one more person dies he'll go down into the cellar and steal all the alcohol and drink himself into a stuppor.well the rich guy goes upstairs and i follow him into his room and kill him. I go back down stairs and well the Nord and the old woman are all that is left so I talk to the Nord and he gives a speach about how he knows hes not the one killing everyone and he knows its not me so it must be the old woman. at which time he says hes not gonna allow her to get him. well he runs off and beats the old woman to death with his bare hands...and i watched killing myself laughing.
after she was dead he ran down to the cellar which i killed him in
Click to expand...

Firstly, I saw this NPC solve the Riemann hypothesis.

Anyways, on the same quest I did it slightly different

I bribed the shit out of everyone so they would "confide" in me...i off the two girls first and i talk to the ex guard who was going upstairs, he says he is getting his sword, he is getting scared. So I off him and go down and talk to the nord, he says he is sure its the dark elf, because of the bribes he trusts me,so he produces a sword and chases after him. The dark elf trys to run and the nord finally catches him and kills him. Then I off the nord. Awesome.
 
HydroSqueegee said:
... i dont think they can trow bows in the game. ;)
Click to expand...
Then add that to the list of glitches.
I wouldn't make something like that up.
 
Well, i turned god mode on and went on a killing spree. I was in the imperial city pwning the guards, so there were quite a few bodies laying around. This one guard shows up, and to my suprise, doesn't come after me. Instead, he starts looting the other guards' bodies. XD
 
I was making a long run back to the imperial city and was crossing the long bridge. There was a guard on horseback in the distance and a bandit pops out to try and rob me. Now i'm thinking "the second he pulls out his sword the guard will kill him" and i won't even half to take out my blade.

So he goes thru his little saying "your money or your life thing" and i say no. out comes the axe and here comes the guard to kill him........OR so i Thought.

The guard runs up to him and then runs right past. I say WTF. I pull out my blade and kill him then try to see where the guard went too. Down to the shore he goes to do away with the evil horrible mister crab.
 
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