The Dumbest Armor In PC Gaming History

rgMekanic

[H]ard|News
Joined
May 13, 2013
Messages
5,604
PC Gamer has teamed up with period accurate armor maker Craig Johnson to break down the dumbest armor in PC gaming. From cardboard armor in Killing Floor 2 to Mecha Hitler in Wolfenstein 3D, this list gives an amusing, and literal take on armor in video games.

I'm quite amused by this, and Craig Johnson's literal take on the armor is fantastic. There is a few I thought would have been in there as well that didn't make it, like some of the crazier WoW sets or many of Isaac's suits in Dead space.

Whether it’s over-engineered spiky nonsense or skimpy BDSM gear, its most common job seems to be making our heroes look ridiculous. But which are the craziest? We tried to pick the best of the worst from across PC gaming history, assembling an eclectic mix of armor that's hideous, hilarious, and nonsensical.
 

darrpara

Gawd
Joined
Apr 26, 2011
Messages
680
I totally thought this was going to be about GPU fan shrouds and I came ready to contribute so here you go:

Palit_9800GTX+02.jpg
 

Krenum

Fully [H]
Joined
Apr 29, 2005
Messages
18,309
There are lots of terrible looking armor pieces in WOW, I personally liked the Lich Kings armor

This one gets my vote though
armorset_tauren-male-shaman-t1.jpg
 
Joined
Mar 18, 2013
Messages
3,723
Yeah, no. Shit article. The Malkavian armour in VTM:B was two fisted awesomeness with a side of speedballs and a tall glass of schizophrenia.
 

MV75

[H]ard|Gawd
Joined
Nov 13, 2007
Messages
1,025
How about that armour that you get for ellie in the forest? The sexy.... bleh. Couldn't finish that sentence.
 

Eshelmen

Supreme [H]ardness
Joined
Feb 3, 2004
Messages
5,354
I kind if like the cardboard armor in KF2. All of the outfits are cosmetic only anyways, and have no impact on gameplay.
 

M76

[H]F Junkie
Joined
Jun 12, 2012
Messages
12,282
If I had a list of dumbest articles in pc gaming history this would be on that list.
 

tetris42

Supreme [H]ardness
Joined
Apr 29, 2014
Messages
4,518

lilbabycat

2[H]4U
Joined
Jun 21, 2011
Messages
3,810
'Member when PC Gamer was about PC Gaming and it was a magazine and it didn't suck and the only BS you had to put up with was a couple hundred pages of witty and/or sex-filled full color print ads?
I 'member.
 

Armenius

Fully [H]
Joined
Jan 28, 2014
Messages
28,158
'Member when PC Gamer was about PC Gaming and it was a magazine and it didn't suck and the only BS you had to put up with was a couple hundred pages of witty and/or sex-filled full color print ads?
I 'member.
They have to get those clicks like everyone else to survive these days, and marketing research shows milennials love lists.
 

Dr. Righteous

2[H]4U
Joined
Aug 1, 2007
Messages
3,163
What a stupid excuse for an article.
Gaming has everything to do with FANTASY and very little to do with reality.

It's not a medieval simulator. If it was gaming would consist of spending you time scratching a meager living from the soil and live under desperate poverty and oppression. The one thrill and intrigue of your life would be the fact that a friend slipped you a copy of an illegal pamphlet written by Martin Luther that is critical of the Pope and the magisterium of the Roman Catholic Church. It is kept hidden withing a void in the wall of your one room house. If discovered, torture and imprisonment awaited you. The writing dare to assert that the ultimate authority is the word of God, The bible itself. Not whims Popes and councils. Such an idea is as radical and revolutionary is it can get. And if true will change the world.
The average person didn't have swords, armor or even a horse. That was for people that was very well off. Your possessions were what you can make yourself or barter for. There were few opportunities you could avail yourself to you raise your station in life. An average life span was to live to your 30s, and to 40 if you are lucky.

Would be a fun game huh?? o_O
 

Armenius

Fully [H]
Joined
Jan 28, 2014
Messages
28,158
What a stupid excuse for an article.
Gaming has everything to do with FANTASY and very little to do with reality.

It's not a medieval simulator. If it was gaming would consist of spending you time scratching a meager living from the soil and live under desperate poverty and oppression. The one thrill and intrigue of your life would be the fact that a friend slipped you a copy of an illegal pamphlet written by Martin Luther that is critical of the Pope and the magisterium of the Roman Catholic Church. It is kept hidden withing a void in the wall of your one room house. If discovered, torture and imprisonment awaited you. The writing dare to assert that the ultimate authority is the word of God, The bible itself. Not whims Popes and councils. Such an idea is as radical and revolutionary is it can get. And if true will change the world.
The average person didn't have swords, armor or even a horse. That was for people that was very well off. Your possessions were what you can make yourself or barter for. There were few opportunities you could avail yourself to you raise your station in life. An average life span was to live to your 30s, and to 40 if you are lucky.

Would be a fun game huh?? o_O
Ha! You should check out Kingdom Come: Deliverance.
 

M76

[H]F Junkie
Joined
Jun 12, 2012
Messages
12,282
I didn't say it would be first on that list.;)

I also suspect this might be a subtle way of virtue signalling about sexy outfits in games again.
 

Comixbooks

Fully [H]
Joined
Jun 7, 2008
Messages
17,307
That game seems like the opposite of fun.


The reward section if limited so you think you are getting more out of it for the game so being based in Reality.
Instead of having just seizures stuff that doesn't matter to you like most games.
 

katanaD

[H]ard|Gawd
Joined
Nov 15, 2016
Messages
1,987
That game seems like the opposite of fun.


it is tedious to me. the combat while neat in thought gets tedious after a bit. Then add in the lack of being able to save when you want.. and its just tedious.

some neat concepts though.
 

Ididar

Gawd
Joined
Aug 2, 2004
Messages
616
Yeah, the whole concept is just silly. Video game armor was never meant to be realistic. Massive shoulder pads that limit your movement and vision are obviously ridiculous but they're almost a staple in some genres. Same goes with massive weapons that defy physics. There's a lot of silly stuff in fantasy and sci-fi but that's pretty much what makes it fiction. It was never meant to be realistic. Realistically, the helmet is probably the most important piece of armor because it is your most vulnerable point on your body. It is the most often overlooked because people often want to see their character's face, or in movies the director wants to see the expressions of the actors. After that, personally I'd go for the arms because they're usually closer to the guy you're trying to kill and hurting them means you can't swing your sword or raise your shield anymore.

But, realism is relatively boring in a video game so articles pointing it out are rather yawn-worthy.
 

M76

[H]F Junkie
Joined
Jun 12, 2012
Messages
12,282
some neat concepts though.
I thought so also when I first saw the promos and dev logs. But then as I saw it slowly devolve into a boredom simulator I lost all interest by the time it got released.
 
Top