Technology And The Adultery Arms Race

HardOCP News

[H] News
Joined
Dec 31, 1969
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0
Apparently technology is making it easier to cheat and catch cheaters than it ever has been before. Damn, technology is ruining everything. :D

Right or wrong, cheating apps tap into a potentially lucrative market: While the national infidelity rate is hard to pin down (because, well, people lie), reputable research puts the proportion of unfaithful spouses at about 15 percent of women and 20 percent of men—with the gender gap closing fast. And while the roots of infidelity remain more or less constant (the desire for novelty, attention, affirmation, a lover with tighter glutes … ), technology is radically altering how we enter into, conduct, and even define it.
 
Joined
Jan 27, 2011
Messages
605
Been with my wife, previously girlfriend for 8 years. Sure i'll check out the random female ass that walks by like every normal person, but never actually do anything with them.


I have no respect for cheaters. If you want a relationship with another person, break up/divorce and go have the relationship. Why is that so difficult?
 

Red Falcon

[H]F Junkie
Joined
May 7, 2007
Messages
11,299
I have no respect for cheaters. If you want a relationship with another person, break up/divorce and go have the relationship. Why is that so difficult?

Because most people want their cake and a want to eat it, too.
Why break up with someone when you can gain the benefits of money/stability/home with them, and have your fuck-buddy on the side.

Very sad.
 

Dekoth-E-

Supreme [H]ardness
Joined
Mar 23, 2010
Messages
7,599
Been with my wife, previously girlfriend for 8 years. Sure i'll check out the random female ass that walks by like every normal person, but never actually do anything with them.


I have no respect for cheaters. If you want a relationship with another person, break up/divorce and go have the relationship. Why is that so difficult?

I don't condone cheating either, but at the same time I want to point out that it isn't such a black and white subject. While it may be black and white for singles, it most certainly has quite a bit of grey area for married people.

1) Divorce isn't so simple. It can be an extremely lengthy and costly issue.
2) Not all affairs are planned out or long lasting. Sometimes a moment of weakness can be worked through without throwing away years of your life and all your money. Ever had a woman literally throw herself at you naked? While I haven't I do know someone who was up to that point loyal to his wife had that happen. The obvious thing happened. Now I consider myself loyal but I can't honestly say that if some extremely hot woman was naked and just threw herself at me that I could say no. I'm confident that no one who has been married for years can honestly say they would say no until they are in that situation.

Again not excusing it, just saying it isn't so cut and dry as break up or get a divorce.
 

dgz

Supreme [H]ardness
Joined
Feb 15, 2010
Messages
5,838
Been with my wife, previously girlfriend for 8 years. Sure i'll check out the random female ass that walks by like every normal person, but never actually do anything with them.


I have no respect for cheaters. If you want a relationship with another person, break up/divorce and go have the relationship. Why is that so difficult?

Been with mine for 15 years. I think enjoying yourself with other people doesn't have to lead to divorce/break up. Sex is sex, love is love, and friendship is friendship. They all mix good but are not the same thing and are not mutually exclusive.
 

Methadras

Supreme [H]ardness
Joined
Dec 19, 2000
Messages
6,132
Because most people want their cake and a want to eat it, too.
Why break up with someone when you can gain the benefits of money/stability/home with them, and have your fuck-buddy on the side.

Very sad.

There are many reasons why people do it. The thrill of it is a big deal, it's still seen as something dirty and secretive and done behind closed doors. It's all about time management and risk mitigation. If you do it and not get caught, then bravo. If you do, then how are you going to deal with the fallout? How are you going to manage that? Peoples motivations are as mercurial as their behaviors and feelings and infidelity is to this day still a nebulous activity. You know people that do it, you know people that have done it, you know people that have gotten caught, you or your partner might be one of those people. It's a very adult subject that should be handled very adult-ly, but usually isn't.
 

Methadras

Supreme [H]ardness
Joined
Dec 19, 2000
Messages
6,132
Been with my wife, previously girlfriend for 8 years. Sure i'll check out the random female ass that walks by like every normal person, but never actually do anything with them.


I have no respect for cheaters. If you want a relationship with another person, break up/divorce and go have the relationship. Why is that so difficult?

That's awesome, but what a lot of people forget is the fallibility of each other. People make mistakes or may find themselves making one. Sometimes the 'relationship' you think you should break up/divorce over may not be worth doing either.
 

Arcygenical

Fully [H]
Joined
Jun 10, 2005
Messages
25,065
My phone has a "Delete all log entries from this number"

Like, wtf? Might as well be the "Click her to enable cheating" button!

It clears phone calls, texts, everything.
 
Joined
Jan 27, 2011
Messages
605
2) Not all affairs are planned out or long lasting. Sometimes a moment of weakness can be worked through without throwing away years of your life and all your money. Ever had a woman literally throw herself at you naked? While I haven't I do know someone who was up to that point loyal to his wife had that happen. The obvious thing happened. Now I consider myself loyal but I can't honestly say that if some extremely hot woman was naked and just threw herself at me that I could say no. I'm confident that no one who has been married for years can honestly say they would say no until they are in that situation.

Again not excusing it, just saying it isn't so cut and dry as break up or get a divorce.

I can understand that. Though this type of one-off "only had sex one time with this one girl only once in my life" scenario is rare me thinks. The few cheating guys i've come across in my life were all serial cheaters.

There was ONE case of this guy i was working with, who did have this woman pursue him until he eventually had sex with her. She did make it obvious, but it took a while and he could have stopped it at any stage. He liked the attention though and certainly seemed to welcome her advances. Had a wife and two kids. Don't know what the final outcome was.

Been with mine for 15 years. I think enjoying yourself with other people doesn't have to lead to divorce/break up. Sex is sex, love is love, and friendship is friendship. They all mix good but are not the same thing and are not mutually exclusive.

There are people out there who are totally fine with open relationships. That's ok as long as both partners are aware and willing. I think the problem arises when one person thinks they're in a monogamous relationship, and the other person thinks they're MBA (married-but-available).
 

timta2

[H]ard|Gawd
Joined
Feb 3, 2010
Messages
1,393
I personally think us humans just aren't meant to be monogamous. I feel like a lot of people lie about that and how they really feel because of societal pressure, religion, etc.
 

DeathFromBelow

Supreme [H]ardness
Joined
Jul 15, 2005
Messages
7,316
I personally think us humans just aren't meant to be monogamous.

The environment selects the optimal mating behavior. Essentially, if raising offspring is a long and resource-intensive process and/or the females are territorial then some form of monogamy will out-compete other mating strategies. It may be that the downsides of monogamy now outweigh the benefits in modern society

Sexual dimorphism between men and women indicates that for most of human history we were polygamous. Before that we may have been promiscuous like bonobo chimps, using sex as a means of conflict resolution.
 

slam-er

n00b
Joined
Oct 15, 2014
Messages
4
I've been a reader since the beginning but never signed up to post until I saw this news blurb.

Take it from someone with experience on the topic, the fact that anyone would try to profit by assisting cheating people is sickening. I just finished a messy divorce from my spouse who cheated on me over a period of two years. She never worked a day in her life and didn't even have a highschool diploma, I provided everything. Guess who got screwed by the courts? I did, to the tune of nearly $500,000 by the time my daughters will turn 18 and graduate. On top of cash payments I've already made, for the next two years, I will be paying nearly $5000 per month to my cheating ex. The emotional impact of a spouse cheating is hell but the way the system is setup to screw over the person that is working to support his family and give it to someone who decided not to achieve anything in life is what makes it worse.

From here on out it is doubtful that I will ever remarry and if I do go down that path, I will have a prenup that states that if you are cheating, you get no maritial assets. I'm over my ex and I'm happily dating someone now but the financial impact of my cheating spouse will stay with me for the next ten years. Our court system is so screwed up and you won't ever know until you find yourself stuck paying for your lawyer and her lawyer all while they divy up what you worked hard to build. Nobody cared about what she brought to the table (nothing), they only cared how much they could squeeze out of me.

Cheater's suck!
 

Ducman69

[H]F Junkie
Joined
Jul 12, 2007
Messages
10,542
People are not made to be monogamous, at least not for life, and any attempt to do so is artificial and forced by social and financial pressures.

There are over 7,000,000,000 people on the planet, and the idea that coincidentally you happened to run into the one person (usually who happens to be conveniently geographically located right where you are) who is the best match for you is asinine. And even if you REALLY love pumpkin pie as your favorite food of all time, why would you want to restrict yourself to having pumpkin pie for breakfast, pumpkin pie for lunch, pumpkin pie for dinner, then pumpkin pie for breakfast, then pumpkin pie for lunch, day after day after day after week after week for years and years and then pretend it doesn't become stale and boring. Want to just take a bite of that bacon wrapped sausage and BBQ sauce? Well, you're a HORRIBLE PERSON!!! :rolleyes: :D

There's nothing wrong with falling into a lazy routine where its simply less effort and easier to stay with one person, or even in a life long emotional relationship as friends. But the idea that you wouldn't get bored with just one person FOREVER is a lie (and perhaps one people even have to tell themselves all the time).
Been with my wife, previously girlfriend for 8 years. Sure i'll check out the random female ass that walks by like every normal person, but never actually do anything with them.
Is she monitoring your forum posts? Its OK bro, we'll back up your story. *nudge nudge*
 

tempertantrum

Limp Gawd
Joined
Apr 19, 2009
Messages
395
The idea that every person wants or needs to be in a monogamous relationship is a naive construction of modern society. However, there *are* those who need and want that, and those who want both a stable long term relationship as well as other partners. Lots of people simply aren't sexually or emotionally satisfied by a single partner - the partner just can't give them what they need for one reason or other, and it kinda makes sense for some relationships to be open. (This changes over time for individuals, too.) I think that the key is that you need to be clear and open with your spouse, first and foremost, from before you even take your vows. What kind of relationship are you expecting? If you want open, then don't tied yourself to someone who doesn't feel the same. But if you DO tie yourself to someone who need monogamy... then you are completely in the wrong if you cheat. There should be no need for a cheating app, function, or button, if you have integrity, regardless of whether you are seeing other people.
 

wabbitseason

[H]ard|Gawd
Joined
Jun 16, 2010
Messages
1,511
I've been a reader since the beginning but never signed up to post until I saw this news blurb.

Take it from someone with experience on the topic, the fact that anyone would try to profit by assisting cheating people is sickening. I just finished a messy divorce from my spouse who cheated on me over a period of two years. She never worked a day in her life and didn't even have a highschool diploma, I provided everything. Guess who got screwed by the courts? I did, to the tune of nearly $500,000 by the time my daughters will turn 18 and graduate. On top of cash payments I've already made, for the next two years, I will be paying nearly $5000 per month to my cheating ex. The emotional impact of a spouse cheating is hell but the way the system is setup to screw over the person that is working to support his family and give it to someone who decided not to achieve anything in life is what makes it worse.

From here on out it is doubtful that I will ever remarry and if I do go down that path, I will have a prenup that states that if you are cheating, you get no maritial assets. I'm over my ex and I'm happily dating someone now but the financial impact of my cheating spouse will stay with me for the next ten years. Our court system is so screwed up and you won't ever know until you find yourself stuck paying for your lawyer and her lawyer all while they divy up what you worked hard to build. Nobody cared about what she brought to the table (nothing), they only cared how much they could squeeze out of me.

Cheater's suck!

Keep your head up, and know that your children will respect you. Teach them to do what's right and not expect things to be handed to them. Unless your wife was able to wrest control of them from you entirely simply by virtue of her sex. Talk about sexism, but you're a man so whatever, right?

No-fault divorce, demolishing the patriarchy, make men pay child support (even when the wife is at fault, and even when the wife initiates divorce as is the case most of the time), and give women the kids in the divorce. That makes so much sense.
 

Manaknight

Supreme [H]ardness
Joined
Jun 6, 2005
Messages
5,449
The environment selects the optimal mating behavior. Essentially, if raising offspring is a long and resource-intensive process and/or the females are territorial then some form of monogamy will out-compete other mating strategies. It may be that the downsides of monogamy now outweigh the benefits in modern society

Sexual dimorphism between men and women indicates that for most of human history we were polygamous. Before that we may have been promiscuous like bonobo chimps, using sex as a means of conflict resolution.

thank you.
its one of those things, like it or not the concept of fidelity etc is/was brought on by society and the regimes set forth.

the huge social push to monogamy in the early civilized world was largely over inheritance rights. go back further and like most primates, we were polygamous.

i know a lot of people dont like to hear it, and i do maintain if you choose the route of marriage stick to it, because you made the commitment to it, if that is not the life for you, simply don't do it.

for me it's about the wondrous variety of our species. to have only one would be like going to the most awesome gourmet buffet in the world, seeing everything amazing dish the world has to offer, and then being told you can only pick one.
 

chockomonkey

[H]F Junkie
Joined
Oct 11, 2003
Messages
8,296
I've been a reader since the beginning but never signed up to post until I saw this news blurb.

Take it from someone with experience on the topic, the fact that anyone would try to profit by assisting cheating people is sickening. I just finished a messy divorce from my spouse who cheated on me over a period of two years. She never worked a day in her life and didn't even have a highschool diploma, I provided everything. Guess who got screwed by the courts? I did, to the tune of nearly $500,000 by the time my daughters will turn 18 and graduate. On top of cash payments I've already made, for the next two years, I will be paying nearly $5000 per month to my cheating ex. The emotional impact of a spouse cheating is hell but the way the system is setup to screw over the person that is working to support his family and give it to someone who decided not to achieve anything in life is what makes it worse.

From here on out it is doubtful that I will ever remarry and if I do go down that path, I will have a prenup that states that if you are cheating, you get no maritial assets. I'm over my ex and I'm happily dating someone now but the financial impact of my cheating spouse will stay with me for the next ten years. Our court system is so screwed up and you won't ever know until you find yourself stuck paying for your lawyer and her lawyer all while they divy up what you worked hard to build. Nobody cared about what she brought to the table (nothing), they only cared how much they could squeeze out of me.

Cheater's suck!

Yea I've seen the tragedy of the state of divorce in WA State more than once. My best friend got hit the hardest. Was living out of his car or crashing at my place and the courts didn't give a shit. Wife didn't work and somehow also wrestled control of his child.

I've seen so many males' lives ruined by divorce lawyers and the WA state courts. It's just a very sad state of affairs.
 
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