You shouldn't ride the metro at all. The last time I did I ended up sitting next to a homeless guy that smelled so bad that when I got off I ended up puking up a goat cheese and feta calzone... in a trash can... in Brooklyn... after drinking far too much Irish whiskey. ...What? You know how long it takes to get the smell of feta and goat cheese calzone and Irish whiskey vomit out of your nasal passage? 3 DAYS
You should not ride the metro because some A-holes will probably blow up the street above it and make an armored truck fall through on the tracks, then drive mini's through it like its a race track. Also, it smells like piss.
You shouldn't ride the Metro because the Metro is rude and says nasty things about you behind your back. Sure when you're around the Metro it's all like, "Hey buddy, how's it hanging?" and pretending to be all cool like. Later when you're mout the room it's just won't shut up about the stupid thing you did last week and how you are just the worst person. Ever.
You shouldn't ride the metro because the last time I took public transport was in Madagascar the other month and not only did my train derail, but someone stole my bag with my netbook in it. Even worse, the SSD in it was worth more than half the value of the computer.