Microsoft enters bodywash market

Discussion in 'HardForum Tech News' started by naib, Jun 5, 2019.

  1. naib

    naib [H]ard|Gawd

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  2. Comixbooks

    Comixbooks Ignore Me

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    AceGoober and dragonstongue like this.
  3. seanreisk

    seanreisk Gawd

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    Since it's doubtful that it's going to be a long-term product, if they were clever, they'd make is smell like that new-plastic-and-circuit-board-cleaner smell you get when you open a new appliance. Not a bad smell, just not fruity or flowery.

    It wouldn't attract women, but to hell with that, it's XBox body wash, if you weren't certain to bag the girl anyway, it's not going to help.
     
  4. deton8

    deton8 Limp Gawd

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    XBox is mainstream to the point where its core audience may as well be Axe spraying dudebros.

    Now if you're selling PC Gamer bodywash for that new PCB smell, that's another story...
     
  5. DaedalusHelios

    DaedalusHelios 2[H]4U

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    We need Xbox lube and Xbox male enhancement supplements next. Xbox male enhancement "can take your game to the exciting Hard Level":singing:. They could make a competitor to Ashley Madison called "Xbox Cheat Codes", where you are coupled with others in your area code for extra-marital affairs. The possibilities are endless.
     
  6. stashix

    stashix Limp Gawd

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    Is xtube.box registered yet?
     
  7. Ersatz Nihilist

    Ersatz Nihilist n00b

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    "Hi, I'm Master Chief and Xbox Body wash is the only brand I trust to get the smell of plasma fried Covenant giblets out of my hair after a hard day down at the Silent Cartographer".
     
  8. stashix

    stashix Limp Gawd

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    Is that a new codeword for Dorito dust?
     
  9. Dr. Righteous

    Dr. Righteous 2[H]4U

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    Xbox Body wash; Got it. Has to smell like long hair teenagers dirty socks.
     
  10. cyklondx

    cyklondx Limp Gawd

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    well well, now for the meant to be washed experience.
     
  11. ir0nw0lf

    ir0nw0lf [H]ardness Supreme

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    I have a few lady friends who nearly gag at the smell of anything Axe branded. :p
     
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  12. RanceJustice

    RanceJustice [H]ardness Supreme

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    Axe (and, I'm to be told that in other parts of the world like Commonwealth countries it is branded as Lynx) doesn't have a great reputation. Using cheap artificial ingredients and smelling like various overpowered colognes, its early commercials sealed the deal by proscribing it as some sort of liquid girl attractant. Dorky guy sprays on Axe, suddenly Maxim stereotypical hotties were throwing themselves at him in every scenario For this reason, at least among those who are now around 30s, it was always seen as a product for dirtbags and douchebags, sought out by the more boorish and churlish even in spite of many women being put off not just by the association, but also the scent itself. Thus, the stereotype became real as the only ones who didn't "learn" where the teenage jerks, douche-bros, pick up artists, and other stereotypes who would proceed regardless.

    Partnering with Axe is something in the same vein of the "XTREME Mountain Dew and Doritos" in terms of "immature gamer boy" stereotypes, so I'm honestly surprised that, in this day and age Microsoft would do so. Much like the greasy-fingered-orange-controllered demographic, I am sure there IS a market for a partnership between Axe and Xbox, but I am not sure it makes the statement that Microsoft would prefer for the long term benefit of the brand.
     
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  13. SvenBent

    SvenBent 2[H]4U

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    Stop reading my mind...
     
  14. Jagger100

    Jagger100 [H]ardness Supreme

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    Playstation must have doritos locked down.
     
  15. AceGoober

    AceGoober Live! Laug[H]! Overclock!

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    I'd refrain from using the stuff to wash your face. Might get the RRoD around each eye. :eek:
     
  16. modi123

    modi123 [H]ardness Supreme

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    E3 exclusives! Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiice! Keep E3 weird... especially with those.. *cough* certain game companies from certain countries producing certain "adult" vr games and having people stream past you as you have your "experience" out in the open.

    Oh, wait, not so nice.
    .. but better.
    https://www.engadget.com/2019/06/04/microsoft-lynx-xbox-personal-care-line-australia/


    I wonder - if HardForum were to have their own line of body wash what scents would be involved?
     
  17. VIC-20

    VIC-20 Gawd

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    Ever worn Axe Kilo? Most of my friends are women and they love it, then are shocked to find out its Axe rofl
     
  18. cyklondx

    cyklondx Limp Gawd

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    The [H]ardOCP personal care products

    blue standard shower gel.
    Do you have money? Good, because we have the blue gel that costs twice as much as red gel. You can now be better than the red glue.

    green rtx
    The way its meant to be ray showered. To use this extremely well made shower gel, that we spent $10 over the last 10 years - you need to install app on your phone for the best possible shower experience. T&C apply. (contains Clorox - please drink with moderation)
    for support please call our new super support team under paid line 1-777-eat-a-d**k 30$/minute

    red Ayy
    Gib money. We cheaper than competition. (contains traces of glue.)

    blue extreme shower gel
    Enjoy the better overclocked shower gel with 3 parts per million of actual glue, at 3x the price of original blue standard gel, so you can feel better than the rest.


    just kitting.
     
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  19. Darunion

    Darunion 2[H]4U

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    Why would you even make that joke? Now wtf are we supposed to do? Can't even come up with something to compete with that.

    A musky tire rubber with hints of electronics magic smoke.
     
  20. Kardonxt

    Kardonxt 2[H]4U

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    Same. Not an Axe guy but really like Kilo. Unfortunately the body wash and spray have gotten hard to find around me. They have a new green label scent that seems to be replacing it and smells as bad as all of their other stuff.
     
  21. VIC-20

    VIC-20 Gawd

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    Yeah, the new Kilo smell is crap :(
     
  22. filip

    filip [H]ard|Gawd

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    My deodorant is only to stop me from smelling bad I would not buy this, I mostly smell like fabric softener and dryer sheets. Sure to get the ladies attention because washing cloths is there second favorite thing to do after cooking.
     
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  23. Lakados

    Lakados [H]ard|Gawd

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    I thought that is what Axe based their sent’s off of.
     
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  24. Lakados

    Lakados [H]ard|Gawd

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    More like Cool Ranch Doritos and Mountain Dew... maybe a little cabbage tossed in for authenticity.
     
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  25. modi123

    modi123 [H]ardness Supreme

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    Call me a little disappointed in no Hidden Valley Ranch body wash.

    Though some powerful contenders.


    PowerBacon1.gif

    deod.jpg
     
  26. filip

    filip [H]ard|Gawd

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    Come on man it's Nacho Doritos.
     
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  27. VIC-20

    VIC-20 Gawd

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  28. cyklondx

    cyklondx Limp Gawd

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    1d6bo689e6ez.jpg
     
  29. Lakados

    Lakados [H]ard|Gawd

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    I would think by now XBox users would avoid the colour red
     
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  30. SomeoneElse

    SomeoneElse [H]ard|Gawd

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    Axe is terrible. I had a guy I went through Advanced Individual Training with in the Army, and the guy refused to take a shower but he loaded up on Axe which did not help matters. To this day if I smell Axe scents I gag and get sick to my stomach.
     
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  31. Lakados

    Lakados [H]ard|Gawd

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    Axe is banned by name in just about every public building in town and there was a petition signed and handed out to the local businesses to stop carrying it on their shelves.
     
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  32. subspeed6

    subspeed6 Limp Gawd

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    I bet it smells like a burnt power supply.....
     
  33. Jim Kim

    Jim Kim 2[H]4U

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    Wake me when they make Microsoft Adult Diapers and Microsoft Baby Wipes. I hate leaving my gaming station.
     
  34. ZodaEX

    ZodaEX 2[H]4U

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    Really not too different from the Nintendo bubble bath that's been sold for years.
     
  35. OliverQueen

    OliverQueen [H]Lite

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    I will stick with my Hugo Boss, Tom Ford & Clarins products!
     
  36. clockdogg

    clockdogg Gawd

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    The foul stench of cross-marketing wafts through the corridors of Redmond's Merch high command. Again.
     
  37. Teenk9

    Teenk9 Gawd

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    Back when I was young, poor, and didn't know better, I used the one that smelled like Drakkar Noir.
     
  38. odditory

    odditory [H]ardness Supreme

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    Well, no. Microsoft isn't doing anything here. They just weirdly agreed to take a check and sign a piece of paper allowing Unilever to print the Xbox logo and name on a variation of their products in - Australia of all places.

    That's the extent of MS's involvement.
     
  39. clockdogg

    clockdogg Gawd

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    Please don't spoil my well-scented marketing metaphors.

    Besides... the check stops in Redmond. Having worked on campus, be assured that a small army of microsoft lawyers were involved in long and arduous negotiations possibly with bodies washed in buckets of Breyers. ;-)
     
  40. odditory

    odditory [H]ardness Supreme

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    I didn't mean to hurt you.