I don't disagree at all.
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Japanese Man Marries a Hologram
- Thread starter AlphaAtlas
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DejaWiz
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Did you not comprehend my later post, given the new information I received?
ME said:
I commend you for admitting you are violating forum rules by resorting to personal attacks towards other members.
Let's get this discussion back on topic:
So, what is your opinion on this guy's abnormal behavior? I'm chomping at the bit to find out!
The story may or may not even be true.
Assuming it is true...I don't really care. Why should I? As long as he's not harming anyone I am not sure why anyone else would care or get all hot and bothered about it.
Seems like some people are making an issue where none really exists. Like you.
This is not a defense of his actions. His actions do not require a defense as they are not harmful to anyone besides perhaps the man himself. I know you think that makes me some kind of SJW but...you use that incorrectly too so /shrug.
If nobody is getting hurt in any way...who the fuck cares?
If the man chooses to seek professional help, I hope he finds it.
DejaWiz
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Fair enough, and thank you for providing your viewpoint.
This is exactly how I met my wife. Walked right in where she worked and asked her to dinner. She says no one ever approached her because they were too nervous. I marched right up to her.
For any guys out there, if you have any level of confidence to approach an attractive woman, now is the time.
If giving pleasure to your mate is irrelevant from the male perspective then doing so isn't required for a man to "feel like a man" for most of them. And so what is it to the Japanese that makes a man feel like a man? If they don't get that from their women then .....
I'm not saying it's like this because I really can't say, just musing.
rudy
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Do you have a source for this?
The real number is closer to 50%. I'd imagine 90% was just hyperbole. I took it as such, at any rate. The data for most studies I've come across (not many) into the topic is perhaps a bit outdated.
D
Deleted member 93354
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Actually closer to 59%
http://maselliwarren.com/2014/03/20/divorce-rates-increase-youre-25/
Same study shows divorce rates drop by half at 25.
When I married my wife who is Korean, the divorce rate was 95% within 5 years. And although I didn't care at the time and married her anyway, and 35 years later we are still together, I believe that those were the honest numbers for the day. Many others I worked with married Koreans and almost all were divorced within just a few years. More fell apart later on, it's just not easy to make it when there are real cultural differences. Marriage is always work, sometimes it takes a little more effort than normal.
rudy
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I see that sounds more reasonable , there is a reason I questioned this, I have no formal training but I have done a ton of research on relationships not surprisingly because they have been a struggle for me. So I want to point out some misconceptions and some issues.
First always actually understand the statistics you are reading. Maybe you quoted 90% cause you were just making it up out of thin air, over exaggerating for emphasis or whatever. Or maybe you really read that number but you didn't understand what the number was. Based on the source you cited it is possible that you could say marriage under the age of 25 yields a 90% increase in divorce rates over marriage above 25, which is completely different than 90% of teen marriages fail. I note that based on your statement that it doubles the rate, doubling would be a 100% increase so 90% increase sounds feasible.
The reason I called it out is cause it simply does not fit with what I have learned about relationships both quantitatively and anecdotally. For instance my great grand parents married very young I don't know the exact age but around 14 is my guess. They never divorced, raised kids, stayed together and appeared from the outside to be happy. What more can I say? Lots of people in that town did that at that time. So if marrying in your teens is this death sentence for the relationship how did they and all their cohort make it, and how in the heck did society even survive for thousands of years?
This leads to causation versus correlation. Back then it was perfectly normal to do that. Society and religion supported it. Now days that's not the case society instructs people they should date lots of people and try to figure out who the right person is and wait till after you get a good stable career before you marry and have kids. So what does this tell us about people who break the norm and marry young, maybe they are rebels of sorts, maybe they are impulsive, maybe they are not compliant individuals that go with the flow of what society currently dictates. Not surprisingly non compliant, impulsive people who do not submit to society may very well also make for noncompliant spouses, and making impulsive decisions like sacrificing the financial well being of a family and emotional stability of kids may be a personality feature of these people. Another example is that I my self and many people I know did not marry till close to or after this magical 25 cut off age however there is something that is completely missed in all this, its the actual relationship history of the people involved. A lot of people tell themselves a lie that anything that happens before marriage doesn't matter and then when you find the right person you settle in and marry forever. This is not how the human mind works. Any relationship you are in that lasts more than a year or so could just have well have been a marriage. Its a human pair bond where you invested in each other and in times past you would have likely got the person pregnant. therefore that relationship is essentially a failed marriage however it is not reflected in divorce statistics. However if you dig you will find clear studies that show that the more relationships a person has before marriage the lower their chances of marriage success are.
I know lots of people who get married after college or even grad school and have long good relationships they would make your argument look good. There is one thing we missed though, they already had long committed relationships before that. many of them were with the same person they would marry ever since early college or high school. So then ask yourself this, if those people had just married earlier would that marriage have failed simply cause they married too young? I think most would say no it would have worked. And based on what I know of previous generations that would be true.
See the way I see it, have experienced, and have observed in most cases around me it is has little to nothing to do with when the brain develops or all the outside factors, its actually just all about the person and their personality, their upbringing playing a massive role in that. All the other factors are just correlations that would also fit very well with people that have those personality profiles. For instance college educated people divorce less, what does this tell us? Just go to college and your marriage will work out? haha probably not. Maybe what it says is that people who go to college have personalities that place more value in long term investment, and a marriage is a long term investment. And they have the emotional control to make it happen. Where as people who drop out of high school or are less educated simply place less value in long term investment. Even if there was no college they probably would have been shitty farmers too doing the old planting too soon to try and get a bigger crop or simply neglecting their fields. Its about their personality not their demographic.
I and a ton of people I know and you know will divorce in midlife and I married at 24, ex was older. Did she not know what she wanted in a relationship cause her brain had not matured? People and especially woman never stop changing in what they want in a relationship some just have what it takes to compromise and have the emotional control to get through and others don't. The drop off in divorce with age could just as easily be explained by the mere fact that people get old and sooner or later realize, oh shit if I keep screwing up every relationship I am in I will be too old and no one will want me, or I tried so many times and nothing works. I know a shit ton of people like that they just sort of ended up with someone cause they realized time was flying by not cause they had been with many people and was like wow I learned and now I know what to look for and this is it. Many even admit they would have rather gone back to one of their previous partners and feel regret for leaving that person.
TLDR is correlation does not mean causation.
Thanks for saving me from the wall of text. Appreciated.
D
Deleted member 93354
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I was using Hyperbole. But you are correct, I should have noted that somehow. So it's roughly 59% for marriage below 25 and then cuts in half once you get above 25 years old.
That said one of the biggest sources of stress in marriage in lack of income. And as college graduates on average make twice as much as their non-college educated counterparts, I would say this pays a factor. I would classify this as a weak causation factor. However the study cites statistics for the first 15 years. There's also correlative issues associated with having a high school degree including increased use of alcohol, drugs, and run ins with the law. (The majority of crime is committed by young males below 25 per my criminology class.) All of these are stress generators.
Also, the frontal priorital lobe which controls our impulses and motivations continues to mature until we hit 25 as men (and 22 for women) per my developmental psychology class and lectures by Michael Gurian. And insurance companies drastically cut your insurance rates when you hit 25. Actuaries show you are less likely to be a risky driver/impulsive once you hit 25 also.
While correlation is not causation, when you are fighting multiple statistics, it doesn't help your case any, even if there isn't a direct link.
Societal standards have changed significantly since hat time. For one, a single woman, especially with kids didn't have as many legal protections. For two, a single woman back then was considered a failure. Societal attitudes toward your situation may influence your actions. My mother grew up in the 30's and 40's as a kid. Also, it was generally easier to achieve a livable income as a blue collar non-college educated laborer back then. Back then she told me "It was generally considered disgraceful if you had to go on government assistance." Compare that to today's attitudes. I asked her is that was her family's attitude, or a societal one. She said, "Societal." Even my father said a similar thing.
But I'll agree with you that certain marriages do have a surprising success rate, including arranged marriages in India. While those who co-habitat together before marriage are more likely to get divorced.
Possibly but the fact is your actions mature and temper by age 25 is statistical fact tied directly to brain development. MRI scans and statistics have more than proved this. Thus your attitudes are less likely to be changed when you reach maturity.
I get it.
My wife is Chinese.
So is my ex-wife. That ended within 5 years.
Glad to see you guys are still together after all this time. Well done. I know it can be difficult.
I would point something out and I think that you actually know this as it sounds like you do. But for those who don't, I'll offer this for consideration. A young person can grow up very fast if pushed into it, but they may have issues, the issues may not be so severe if they are mentored and the transition is normal, and is common among their people at the time.
So given a time when young people were expected to mature earlier, and were offered good role models for how to behave, and strong social support institutions who provided pressure to act in a mature manner at younger ages, you will see less strain on marriages because frankly, the alternative isn't much of an option unless you want to risk serious blow back from family, church, etc.
Remove the social restrictions/expectations, allow for young people to develop their maturity at a slower pace free from pressures of family finances, etc. And I think we can see where serious commitments like marriage would be less likely to last at the same younger age.
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