Instagram Introduces New Suicide Prevention Tools

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I hate to be such a pessimist but you know for a fact Instagram's new suicide prevention tools are going to be abused by jerks and trolls. I know Instagram is trying to do a good thing here, but this is the internet. I give it a week before we hear about groups mass reporting someone as "suicidal" just to screw with them. :(

Instagram can now help you intervene anonymously with some new support options. If you report a post that worries you, your friend will get a message saying, "someone saw one of your posts and thinks you might be going through a difficult time. If you need support, we'd like to help." They'll then get the option to talk to a friend, contact a helpline or receive tips and support.
 
And then the government will monitor who receives these messages... good times.
 
This will be the men in white coats equivalent to swatting.
 

Brownie points if you can spot the error in the displayed lyrics.
 
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The first thought that came to my mind was a accelerometer app to show how fast you're falling from the bridge.
 
Fun suicide fact: Males have a higher success rate at killing themselves than Females do. Females are more focused about how they will look when they die, so they shy away from violent methods that would normally ensure instant death. In other words, a woman is more likely to botch their suicide attempt cause it might mess up their makeup, while a man is gonna make a gray matter Pollock with his shotgun.
 
The pièce de résistance of the Troll tool box, used correctly will find the perfect crack in many minds.
Instagram, in the attempt to protect, we open up new approach.
 
The first thought that came to my mind was a accelerometer app to show how fast you're falling from the bridge.

Sends a snapchat on impact...

That better be some phone case to be able to protect the phone from the impact of falling off of a bridge.

A snap right before impact would be more "appropriate" as it would be more likely to actually work.

And let's not forget the necessity of a selfie stick.
 
Fun suicide fact: Males have a higher success rate at killing themselves than Females do. Females are more focused about how they will look when they die, so they shy away from violent methods that would normally ensure instant death. In other words, a woman is more likely to botch their suicide attempt cause it might mess up their makeup, while a man is gonna make a gray matter Pollock with his shotgun.

Actually it's more of, the woman doesn't want to leave a huge mess that someone else has to clean up, whereas guys don't give a fuck.
 
Only a matter of time before someone uses these tolls build their own suicide booth. With blackjack and hookers.
 
And let's not forget the necessity of a selfie stick.


If they are facing up you get to see the impact better, if down, you get to see the handle slide down their arm and impale them as the phone flies toward their face. Don't forget the slow motion app.

"Suicide Entertainment Tools"



I'm going to hell. :eek:
 
Actually it's more of, the woman doesn't want to leave a huge mess that someone else has to clean up, whereas guys don't give a fuck.

Yes, women typically are worried about the person that finds them, this often botches or causes slow death with pain. Also men try to do it with the least amount of pain and quick as possible regardless of what is left.

Honestly anything that can help raise awareness and relieve the stigma of mental health issues is a good thing. As long as this great power is used for good and not control.
 
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