“Aporkalypse” Bacon Shortage Sends Twitter Into A Panic

HardOCP News

[H] News
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Dec 31, 1969
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Does that headline say "bacon shortage?" Why didn't anyone tell us?!?! Everyone PANIC!!!!

The Twitterverse quickly caught wind of the news, expressing their own brand of sarcastic shock and horror. Some clever Twitter users call it the "aporkalypse," while others blame the shortage on the internet's ironic love of everything bacon.
 

sfsuphysics

[H]F Junkie
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Jan 14, 2007
Messages
15,105
Sounds to me like the British are upset they'll be sans bacon... I'm full on for getting a constitutional amendment written in the books that allows us to keep our precious national commodities (like bacon) from being exported.
 

Kueller

Supreme [H]ardness
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Jun 19, 2001
Messages
5,982
Really glad I bought 15lbs of my butcher's best hickory smoked bacon last week...It was half off, they never have the good stuff half off!
 

Methadras

Supreme [H]ardness
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Really glad I bought 15lbs of my butcher's best hickory smoked bacon last week...It was half off, they never have the good stuff half off!

You should hang onto it since it will be worth a small mint soon. :D
 

BoogerBomb

Supreme [H]ardness
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Texas has a massive abundance of wild hogs when the Brits run out of them.
 

Ashbringer

Supreme [H]ardness
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Bacon ice cream
Bacon smoothy
Bacon flavored salad dressing
Bacon flavored bacon

Nope, I still have bacon.
 

TechLarry

Can't find the G Spot
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Aug 9, 2005
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30,478
How can there be a Bacon shortage.

Pigs do three things. Roll in the mud, Oink, and Boink.
 

Azhar

Fixing stupid since 1972
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18,876
I have about 5 pounds of bacon in the freezer and I'm prepared to defend it with my life.
 

termite

Supreme [H]ardness
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I don't know, 35% obesity rates in the US, that is an awful lot of untapped fatback just walking around.
 

ravx25

[H]ard|Gawd
Joined
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Texas has a massive abundance of wild hogs when the Brits run out of them.

This is true. My cousin does some work for a land owner in Southwest Texas and he lets us stay in one of his buildings overnight and shoot all the hogs we can. The only consideration is that we drag them off somewhere....like the side of the road :p
 

Nanan

[H]ard|Gawd
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Messages
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I don't know, 35% obesity rates in the US, that is an awful lot of untapped fatback just walking around.

Fat intake has nothing to do with obesity. Calorie intake is the problem and Americans eat on average 2000 cal a day of carbs on top of any cal from fat they eat.
 

kbrickley

Supreme [H]ardness
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Fat intake has nothing to do with obesity. Calorie intake is the problem and Americans eat on average 2000 cal a day of carbs on top of any cal from fat they eat.

Not to sidetrack the discussion on the Aporkalypse but Fat intake (along with many other variables) affects a person's weight and overall health ... complex calories that require lots of energy to break down are better than simple calories that the body can convert to energy and fat quickly ... ultimately your total daily intake of calories determines your weight and health (consume more than you need and you get fat ... consume less and you get thinner) ... eat a balanced diet and you will be healthier than if your diet is unbalanced ... biology and physics (they aren't just a guideline ... they are the LAW) :)
 

DW-UK

[H]ard|Gawd
Joined
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Messages
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Not to sidetrack the discussion on the Aporkalypse but Fat intake (along with many other variables) affects a person's weight and overall health ... complex calories that require lots of energy to break down are better than simple calories that the body can convert to energy and fat quickly ... ultimately your total daily intake of calories determines your weight and health (consume more than you need and you get fat ... consume less and you get thinner) ... eat a balanced diet and you will be healthier than if your diet is unbalanced ... biology and physics (they aren't just a guideline ... they are the LAW) :)

More accurate - I could go more!
 

Maplehamwich

[H]ard|Gawd
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So we don't have enough pigs to kill so that first worlders can eat their favourite food.

27381263.jpg
 

kbrickley

Supreme [H]ardness
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So we don't have enough pigs to kill so that first worlders can eat their favourite food.

27381263.jpg

The developing world is fond of pork also (except for the Mideast and Muslim countries) ... although not necessarily the bacon parts of the pig ... remember that pork is the "other white meat" ;)
 

LeninGHOLA

Vladimir Hayt
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We went into a camp to inoculate some swine. We left the camp after we had inoculated the pigs for polio, and this old man came running after us and he was crying. He couldn't see. We went back there, and they had come and hacked off every inoculated leg. There they were in a pile. A pile of little legs. And I remember... I... I... I cried, I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out; I didn't know what I wanted to do! And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it... I never want to forget. And then I realized... like I was shot... like I was shot with a diamond... a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought, my God... the genius of that! The genius! The will to do that! Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure. And then I realized they were stronger than we, because they could stand that these were not monsters, these were men... trained cadres. These men who fought with their hearts, who had families, who had pig farms, who were filled with love... but they had the strength... the strength... to do that. If I had ten divisions of those men, our troubles here would be over very quickly. You have to have men who are moral... and at the same time who are able to utilize their primordial instincts to kill without feeling... without passion... without judgment... without judgment! Because it's judgment that defeats us.
 

kbrickley

Supreme [H]ardness
Joined
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Messages
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We went into a camp to inoculate some swine. We left the camp after we had inoculated the pigs for polio, and this old man came running after us and he was crying. He couldn't see. We went back there, and they had come and hacked off every inoculated leg. There they were in a pile. A pile of little legs. And I remember... I... I... I cried, I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out; I didn't know what I wanted to do! And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it... I never want to forget. And then I realized... like I was shot... like I was shot with a diamond... a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought, my God... the genius of that! The genius! The will to do that! Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure. And then I realized they were stronger than we, because they could stand that these were not monsters, these were men... trained cadres. These men who fought with their hearts, who had families, who had pig farms, who were filled with love... but they had the strength... the strength... to do that. If I had ten divisions of those men, our troubles here would be over very quickly. You have to have men who are moral... and at the same time who are able to utilize their primordial instincts to kill without feeling... without passion... without judgment... without judgment! Because it's judgment that defeats us.

The Horror .... The Horroooooorrrrrrrrr :D ... don't make me tell you my pig with a wooden leg joke :p
 

termite

Supreme [H]ardness
Joined
Aug 27, 2004
Messages
5,665
We went into a camp to inoculate some swine. We left the camp after we had inoculated the pigs for polio, and this old man came running after us and he was crying. He couldn't see. We went back there, and they had come and hacked off every inoculated leg. There they were in a pile. A pile of little legs. And I remember... I... I... I cried, I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out; I didn't know what I wanted to do! And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it... I never want to forget. And then I realized... like I was shot... like I was shot with a diamond... a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought, my God... the genius of that! The genius! The will to do that! Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure. And then I realized they were stronger than we, because they could stand that these were not monsters, these were men... trained cadres. These men who fought with their hearts, who had families, who had pig farms, who were filled with love... but they had the strength... the strength... to do that. If I had ten divisions of those men, our troubles here would be over very quickly. You have to have men who are moral... and at the same time who are able to utilize their primordial instincts to kill without feeling... without passion... without judgment... without judgment! Because it's judgment that defeats us.

Awesome.

I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream. It's my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight razor ... and surviving.
 

vortican

Limp Gawd
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May 11, 2005
Messages
146
It isn't the interwebs love of bacon. Bacon is a precious gift from God to all mankind.
 

Ashbringer

Supreme [H]ardness
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So we don't have enough pigs to kill so that first worlders can eat their favourite food.
They have a lot of other problems that a probably more alarming then food shortage. Food shortage is due to the alarming rate people in 3rd world counties are reproducing. They know well enough that they couldn't feed the children they create, but still continue to do so.

The morals and ethics of 1st worlders is usually the limiting factor of reproduction. For 3rd worlders is seems to be food. It's also the same method used to limit the population of animals. That and neutering, but neutering is clearly too unethical. So I get to watch commercials of starving Marvins and how pennies a day can save their lives, but in reality it's like being an enabler. :rolleyes:
 

LeninGHOLA

Vladimir Hayt
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It was only a matter of time that a thread devoted to bacon would boil down to eugenics.
 

kbrickley

Supreme [H]ardness
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It was only a matter of time that a thread devoted to bacon would boil down to eugenics.

Don't all conversations ultimately end up there ... it is kind of a seven degrees of Kevin Bacon thing ... Seven Degrees of Intenet Eugenics :cool:
 

LeninGHOLA

Vladimir Hayt
Joined
Aug 26, 2009
Messages
18,416
I've always wondered if Kevin Bacon was made of actual bacon. You've given me something to ponder.
 

sviola

Limp Gawd
Joined
Jul 4, 2012
Messages
188
It isn't the interwebs love of bacon. Bacon is a precious gift from God to all mankind.

Apparently, not for jews and muslims, He had it written down that they could not have bacon (or barbecue ribs either).
 

Zarathustra[H]

Extremely [H]
Joined
Oct 29, 2000
Messages
33,403
OH MY GOD! A Bacon shortage! What am I going to eat? We're all going to starve to death!!! :rolleyes:

Honestly can't remember the last time I had bacon, or any other pork for that matter...

Actually there was some bacon on my burger last night, but other than that, I can't remember.
 

kbrickley

Supreme [H]ardness
Joined
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Messages
7,514
Zarathustra[H];1039177160 said:
OH MY GOD! A Bacon shortage! What am I going to eat? We're all going to starve to death!!! :rolleyes:

Honestly can't remember the last time I had bacon, or any other pork for that matter...

Actually there was some bacon on my burger last night, but other than that, I can't remember.

Now I am waiting for the next internet headline ... "Eating Bacon causes short term memory loss" :D
 

Motley

2[H]4U
Joined
Mar 29, 2005
Messages
2,486
This is exactly whats wrong with this twitter, facebook, internet instant news about everything.

Before all this nonsense, people didn't freak out like this.

Bacon shortage my ass. Brain shortage maybe?
 
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