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You've got PayPal. I'll get back to you on the other stuff if I can scrounge the cash.
 
I was playing golf with my doctor friend one day. He ALWAYS hit his drives right down the middle of the fairway. My problem was that I ALWAYS hooked my ball completely off the fairway.

I asked him for help, and he offered to give me a physical to see if he could determine the problem. Sure enough, he said that I had three times the "normal length" of the average male, which caused an anomaly in my swing that caused me to hook. I asked him to help me, and he agreed to do surgery-- provided that I didn't play golf for four weeks. I agreed. Golf is just that important to me.

Four weeks later, new body and all, I teed off on the first hole and drove the ball 270 yards right down the middle. Feeling elated, I thanked the doctor. Then I asked him what had become of the "rest" of me.

He just smiled, teed his ball, then hit it and watched it duck hook two fairways away...
 
I didn't know [H] had PMs? I haven't gotten any notification of one via email or anything.

edit: I'm a dumbo, I haven't used the PMs for a while, so I forgot about them!
 
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