Tech Questions Your Family Will Ask You This Holiday

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Wired has put together a list of all the answers to the tech questions you'll be asked by family members over the holidays. Here are a few of my favorites:

  • Fix my printer.
  • Why is my Facebook stuff all public?
  • What exactly is Twitter?
  • My Netflix looks fuzzy, can you fix it?
  • Please fix my router/network.
  • I forgot my password. Again.
  • Why is my computer so slow?
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My dad has been building his own PCs for a decade or more. He doesn't need my help.
 
nope, won't be happening. I'm not the kind to be raging or easy to frustrate, but after having unexpectedly blown up twice a couple weeks ago within the same week, I almost had a mid-life crisis. I hate computers, technology, and electronics. :mad:
 
Stoly said:
hollidays? I get those on a daily basis. :D:D
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Me too, I'm the Grebuloner family telephone tech support hotline. The bright side is that my parents at least send me goodies after the fact for the bigger headaches (or the dumber "is it plugged in?" solutions...). :cool:
 
The one that STILL gets me is "I need a new computer the Internet is too slow"
 
My relative just got a new $1200 PC from dell with absolute garbage specs for work, he does stocks.

He has a dual core 4GB ram system that has windows XP on it (he bought it when win7 was out....), he said that because its not going to be updated anymore he wants windows 7. He said he cant use windows 8 because his friend told him he cant.

His friend, which is really his PC support guy, told him windows 7 cannot be run on 4GB of ram. he told him all kinds of lies. this is a guy who installed a "$300" nvidia GT210 GPU so he could use a second screen.

I was put on a three way call and he didn't even know what GPU he put in the old system, or when the PC was built/bought, all he knew is "YOU NEED A NEW ONE. WINDOWS 7 ISNT GOOD WITH 4GB RAM!"

I found better PCs on dells main website than what the guy is making him buy. I even found a laptop that was HALF price and better specced. "No, he has been helping me for 10 years with PC stuff" I was told. Then why even bother fucking contacting me asking me about your shitty PC build?

.. I cannot even finish writing this, it just made my brain hurt, and angry, so so angry.
 
Here was the most recent issue I was consulted on:
My MacBook Pro control panel indicates I have 2.17 GB useable RAM, but the computer has 16 GB. Why do I not have 16 GB useable? What can I do to get the full RAM available? Or is a bunch of the RAM now non-functional? Thanks.
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Now I'm not saying it was hard to determine this was machine was running 32-bit Windows (and that that was the problem), but wouldn't it have been nice if the family member had at least mentioned they were running Windows on their MBPr when describing the issue?
 
My kids can break anything......

but my wife is the champion.......and I still love her.:D
 
DF-1 said:
Then why even bother fucking contacting me asking me about your shitty PC build?

.. I cannot even finish writing this, it just made my brain hurt, and angry, so so angry.
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Man, that has to be horrible. From the moment people mention that they have someone already "helping" them - I get irked as well.

As for tech questions/problems from all family/friends with the exception of my parents/sibling:

"Oh, your computer doesn't work? My rate is $80.00/hr for general repair work, we can talk further after you agree to being invoiced."

And not a phone call since. ;)
 
I like the paranoid tinfoil hat questions the most, like, can my old job still remote into my system, that wiped and reloaded, could they access my laptop, via my wireless router that has a totally different IP address from what they have listed, while you are here, could you make sure that your step sister in-law isn't going to any dodgy websites?

No, no, no, and she's 17, she can do whatever the fuck she wants!
 
Checked off for this morning:
Fixed a network (router issues)
Fixed a printer/scanner
 
*looks at calendar* Crap, it's end of November. Time for everyone to start putting up Christmas decorations a month early.
 
My grandma already called and said she is having a printer problem that I can take a look at tomorrow. Best part is I fixed this same printer problem a few months ago. It does suck being the IT person in the family sometimes, but I always get fed so I'm fine with it. The moment my family tries to refer me to their friends is when I tell them my rate. They usually complain that it's too much and don't ask for the help. That's fine by me!
 
I don't even work in the computer field and I get this. I need someone in my family to marry a techie so that I don't have to be the default "Hey he knows computers" guy.

worm
 
The one I've been hearing a lot lately is, "Should I get an iPhone or a smartphone?"

Huh?
 
That's why I get drunk as fast as humanly possible at such events. "Oh hey, you're IT! Can you just break into my company network (a major BANK) and have it so that I can stream netfl-" NO, I can't, f' off with your laptop and have your IT guy at the company handle it.
 
I got asked to migrate a wordpress.org to wordpress.com hosted blog... I don't even....
 
How about this one:
Them: Come look at my internet. My start page (translation: homepage in the browser) has changed and there are a lot of extra things at the top of the screen (translation: many toolbars are installed into IE).
Me: You have probably installed something and it was a check mark in the install wizard.
Them: No I have not. I have not installed or changed anything.

Facepalm/sigh as I look at the clutter of icons on the desktop that look like spam programs.


kcj8.png
 
Why is my Facebook stuff all public?

Here let me fix it for you.

/Deletes Account/

There you go, you are now set to private.
 
I solved all these problems - every question I get is now answered with "get an iPad"

God my life is so much easier these days :) they don't do anything besides Facebook and we surfing anyways...

:)
 
Normally I work on my inlaw’s computers for them but recently I was over and saw someone had disconnected the cat-5 cable from the router to the desktop and set it up wireless even thou the router was almost touching the monitor.

Later someone complained their internet wasn't as fast as it used to be, I didn't say a word.
 
The answer to every tech related question is:

"Since you can't be bothered to attempt to learn yourself or use the world's largest knowledge depository known as Google, the answer to your question is $50 per hour."
 
I'm anticipating questions on:

1) Bitcoin
2) Tablets or Laptops?
3) Mac or Windows?
4) Send me a Facebook friend request

They don't ask me to look at their systems as they know I will want to charge them. I only give freebies to the best of family members.
 
CaptNumbNutz said:
The answer to every tech related question is:

"Since you can't be bothered to attempt to learn yourself or use the world's largest knowledge depository known as Google, the answer to your question is $50 per hour."
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Yup, That's why I stopped going to the dr. Just a few weeks ago I accidently sliced my arm open falling off a metal roof, about a 5 inch cut. those things have sharp edges :/ Just looked up online for the best way to do stitches at home. Saved myself a trip to the ER and the crazy prices they charge you.
 
Exavior said:
Yup, That's why I stopped going to the dr. Just a few weeks ago I accidently sliced my arm open falling off a metal roof, about a 5 inch cut. those things have sharp edges :/ Just looked up online for the best way to do stitches at home. Saved myself a trip to the ER and the crazy prices they charge you.
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Definitely. For your run-of-the-mill flesh wounds, nothing beats a bit of home handy-work.
 
Exavior said:
Yup, That's why I stopped going to the dr. Just a few weeks ago I accidently sliced my arm open falling off a metal roof, about a 5 inch cut. those things have sharp edges :/ Just looked up online for the best way to do stitches at home. Saved myself a trip to the ER and the crazy prices they charge you.
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Doctors charge a fee, why should tech support be any different?:D
 
Bah and Humbug.

I do not dismiss your collective pain and sufferings, we all have those very special relations that know exactly how to annoy us the most.

I do DSL tech support for my living and am having to deal with all the son's, daughters, and associated and random family members calling me right now because Grandma cant watch HD streaming video on their 768k DSL and they know I am lying when I say it just isnt going to work.

The above being, of course, one of the easier calls.
 
Yes because I love spending my holiday fixing sombodys broken tech ( or in fixable cheep tech or answering dumb tech questions.
 
Oh and I can also whip up websites in a few hours, or in my case render out movie special effects in 3d studio max or Maya over some stupid home movies.
 
DF-1 said:
Then why even bother fucking contacting me asking me about your shitty PC build?

.. I cannot even finish writing this, it just made my brain hurt, and angry, so so angry.
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This is what I call the brother-in-law syndrome. It never fails in corporate IT, regardless of your decades of experience, credentials, high IQ, and common sense, one of the Chief XYZ Officers has a brother-in-law who knows better.
 
The worst one is still having to fix virus or malware infection
 
I got a good one from my mother:
"The computer keeps telling me its runing out of disk space!"

All week this week that's all I heard, 5 or 6 times. I get here to look at it, and she somehow managed to set a windows backup schedule that filed her entire hdd up, and its a 1 tb hdd!

Jeezus! How she did it, I dunno....I don't even think I will ask, because she will just deny it. LOL
 
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