Apple Introduces Us To the Smart Bike

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The US Patent & Trademark Office published a patent application from Apple…awww, screw it, let’s just jump straight to the “if you hold the bike wrong...” jokes. You know that’s where this was headed anyway.
 
I'm not sure how Apple managed to get this patented considering stationary bikes already have many varieties of computers that can tell you everything - and I don't see why those computers cannot work on regular bicycles.
 
Move over Shwinn, there's a new overpriced bike in town. Priced conveniently at 3.4 million dollars, this bike has all the technology of yesterday, with the price of tomorrow! Comes standard with only the left pedal, because the right one isn't convenient.

Warning: Metal parts may overheat and burn limbs. Apple is not responsible for costs of impending skin grafts.
 
I dunno, as poorly as the bulk of the population drives, I wouldn't mind having to wear a gigantic rubber bumper to get the bike to work properly.
 
Not to mention that Garmin has systems on the market that do just about everything listed in the patent application (With the exception of the "hazard ahead" app, but that's what team cars are for, right? :D)
 
So a good bike usually costs between $400 and $2000 right? Can't imagine how much this one will cost
 
iBike 4GS with custom Death Grip Handle-Bars. 3GS training wheels optional. :p
 
Funny thing is they should have added an option to recharge the device from peddling...
 
Azhar said:
I'm not sure how Apple managed to get this patented considering stationary bikes already have many varieties of computers that can tell you everything - and I don't see why those computers cannot work on regular bicycles.
Click to expand...

Agreed.

I like iCycle better :p
 
Email:

To: Steve Jobs <[email protected]>
Subject: Bike accident

I was attempting to ride the iBike, but since it only comes with one pedal, I was having a difficult time of it and crashed it into a parked car. Could you please have the design changed to the STANDARD two-pedal model?

Response:

From: Steve Jobs <[email protected]>

You were riding the bike wrong. Change how you ride it. No big deal.

Sent from my iPhone4
 
FTA:
"Many bicycle computers require extensive set-up to connect the bicycle computer to various sensors embedded on the bicycle, for example by requiring a complex wireless pairing procedure..."

It's complex only if you've been smoking crack all day...
 
I see nothing in Apples patent application that has not already been done at least three times over by products currently on the market. Many more times if you count products that are already off the market.

I sincerely hope Avocet, Garmin, and others come out and give Apple a good Rogering with their own established IP and lawyers.
 
Vectrexer said:
I see nothing in Apples patent application that has not already been done at least three times over by products currently on the market. Many more times if you count products that are already off the market.

I sincerely hope Avocet, Garmin, and others come out and give Apple a good Rogering with their own established IP and lawyers.
Click to expand...

I haven't tried any of the high end computers, but I think an iPhone could give them a run for their money. It's basically a pocket computer anyway and could emulate most of the features. I preferred a cheap ANT+ computer versus using my iPhone due to the inevitable crash.

The most important sensors have been covered for ages. Their "you're doing it wrong" attitude won't fly in this market.
 
KENNYB said:
FTA:
"Many bicycle computers require extensive set-up to connect the bicycle computer to various sensors embedded on the bicycle, for example by requiring a complex wireless pairing procedure..."

It's complex only if you've been smoking crack all day...
Click to expand...

Tightening a screw, attaching some zip ties and entering a wheel diameter is tricky stuff. I've never even seen crack, but I bet I could still accomplish the task all whacked out.
 
So wtf is this patent supposed to do? if you sell a bike with computers at any of these points, or easier yet, sensors at any of these points, that would be infringing on apples copyright? or a computer measuring at any of those points? This sounds entirely that a bike company would want to go out and make a bike with more digital assistance and readouts and get totally fucked over in court by apple, because apple (a hardware and software company) holds the patent, and they don't give a fuck.

This aint funny at all.
 
x_MaGiuS_x said:
Tightening a screw, attaching some zip ties and entering a wheel diameter is tricky stuff. I've never even seen crack, but I bet I could still accomplish the task all whacked out.
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I didn't have to enter a wheel diameter :D
And also had a few Sam Adams Imperial Stouts...
 
Simpson5774 said:
So wtf is this patent supposed to do? if you sell a bike with computers at any of these points, or easier yet, sensors at any of these points, that would be infringing on apples copyright? or a computer measuring at any of those points? This sounds entirely that a bike company would want to go out and make a bike with more digital assistance and readouts and get totally fucked over in court by apple, because apple (a hardware and software company) holds the patent, and they don't give a fuck.

This aint funny at all.
Click to expand...

I think the large companies would band together and counter-sue Apple if they tried to to enforce these ridiculous patents.
 
Vectrexer said:
I see nothing in Apples patent application that has not already been done at least three times over by products currently on the market. Many more times if you count products that are already off the market.

I sincerely hope Avocet, Garmin, and others come out and give Apple a good Rogering with their own established IP and lawyers.
Click to expand...

If you look closely, their diagram shows a radially-laced rear wheel. Photoshop FAIL.
 
If it is like apple computers, it will come with training wheels you can't take off.
 
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