The Official *Post your funny oblivion moments thread

Go to the Imperial WATERFRONT.

The pirate (He looks like an African American dude, I believe the race is REDGUARD, he's got his hair braided w. no shirt on ect.) He'll be singing some song. What you do is wait till you hear him sing it then fire an arrow into his back or something and he'll chase you down swinging while singing lol.

Once, I was riding down a road when I came upon two gaurds fighting the bandits. I stopped and helped the gaurds kill the bandits. When I thought all the bandits were dead, there was still yelling. I looked, and the two gaurds were standing 20 or 30 feet apart, threatening each other and firing arrows at each other. They was a funny sight.

thrawn42 said:

If you're actually playing the game then take a moment once in awhile and observe the AI's behaviour, or just do something that's not completely quest oriented. You may be quite surprised at what you see.

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Somtimes, I think a lot of the goofy things that the AI NPC's say or do were deliberately planned that way for comical reasons. Some of my biggest laughs have come from just shadowing an NPC through their daily life to see what they do. It's amazing how the NPC's go about their buisness and interact by themselves behind the scenes. No wonder this game is a resource hog.

Walking down a road beside some water - Saw a horse in the middle of the road - Walk up to horse - Hear fighting - Look around - can see no-one - Follow sound of fighting into water - Imperial guard and land dreugh fighting under the sea - Imperial guard 1 - land dreugh 0 - Imperial guard strolls out of water like terminator - mounts horse rides into sunset.

*SPOILER*



In the mission where the waterfront is swarming with guards - I went down and started to walk around - These guys are all running around like madmen asking about the grey fox.
I walk up to the pirate ship and the woman says blah blah dont go near the ship - So I get on the ship - and all hell breaks loose! the pirates draw there cutlasses and the guards swarming the waterfront storm the ship and slaughter the pirates - Guards 1 - pirates 0 - Me - looting dead pirates


*SPOILER*



Smithy in anvil castle isnt too smart - I went to fence some gear to get up to the required level, but realised I didnt have enough.
So I just stole all of the stuff on smithys desk.
Smithy 0 - Me 1 - Hearing him say "Sure I might even be able to ransom it back to the original owner" Priceless


Try fighting a bear on a very steep hill , As steep as you can walk up - You will need the lunge power attack with the sword to make this work.
Get a bear to engage in a battle with you - and run up the hill as far as you can ( The steeper the better ) Now face down the hill and fight the bear ( make sure the bear is facing you and you are inline with the bear looking down the hill )
Get the bears health down to almost nothing so a single blow will kill it.
Use the lunge attack and aim for the bears head - The bear will fly up into the air and then proceed to fly down the hill - The steeper the hill the higher and further the bear will fly

Um, does this glitch from my other topic take the cake? :-(

I was outside of Bruma when I have an arrow fly out of nowhere and hit me so I immediately look around and see a herd of deer running, so I thought someone was hunting and missed a shot. Then I see a guard full of arrows run after the deer shooting at them, and then another guard shooting the guard running after the deer. So in the end I got myself some non stolen Imperial Legion armor and around 120 steel arrows

click here

not that funny, but i have been having weird glitches left and right, her hair is the only one that disappears, i tried it on others.

I was in a cave once and some guy was shooting arrows at me. I was in a doorway up on a rock so he couldnt hit me. The arrows bounced off and landed in a pile. I waited a while because I noticed the arrows just kept coming n coming. After about 15 minutes I ran down killed him, and picked up around 200+ arrows.

Funniest moment for me was: I'm in Oblivion, wandering around trying to find an entrance to a cave so I can get to the main spire. I realise I past the entrance so I turn around. As I'm walking I see what appears to be a man running. Now, I'm thinking nah, can't be a normal person. So, I go on the defensive, I draw my sword, raise my shield and start running towards this guy thinking its another denizen of Oblivion.

The closer I get the more I realize, its not a denizen of Oblivion, its a peasant from Imperial City. But I continue to second guess myself. One minute as I'm running I lower my defences. Then they go back up as I get closer, and closer.

Then I see it, he's got a dagger in one hand. Ok, no one in Oblivion carries a dagger. So I drop my defences completely, sheath my sword and I think to myself, "Somehow this guy went into Oblivion and now hes lost, I'll help him out and he can be my decoy while here."

As soon as we make contact he starts attacking me. I raise my shield and am unable to draw my weapon while hes attacking. I start hitting the "activate" button trying to get him to yeild and it continued to ignore my requests.

It took me a good five minutes to realize that Addens Avidius, the Imperial Guard I had arrested for blackmailing merchants was released from prison and the freak chased me into Oblivion to kill me. Well, when I realised this I said to myself, "Bitch, look around you, what do you see? Dead Oblivionites." I mean he started attacking me while I was looting 2 Spider Deadra's, an Storm Atronarch and some of those dinosaur things (I can't remember their names). I was finally able to draw my weapon and did one power strike and lunged at him. Dropped his ass in one fell strike.

Sabrewulf165 said:

Yeah this is quickly turning into the "make up wild bullshit" thread. Not picking on everyone or anyone in particular, but let's face it, the physics and AI in this game are not THAT advanced. Next thing you know people are going to be claiming that an NPC solved the Riemann hypothesis.

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i'd love to know which post(s) you were referring to, as everything up until yours (that wasn't intended as a joke) was completely possible, and repeatable.

Nuzzles said:

Well, i turned god mode on and went on a killing spree. I was in the imperial city pwning the guards, so there were quite a few bodies laying around. This one guard shows up, and to my suprise, doesn't come after me. Instead, he starts looting the other guards' bodies. XD

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You sure he was looting him? He most likely just kneeled down to check if he was dead.. they always do that.

I used a black soul gem to craft a sword of "Dominate Humanoid to level 25," and then went on a testing spree down in the imperial city. If I hit a gaurd with it, he'd go attack his buddy. Even though it only lasted about 5 seconds, once they were fighting they'd finish the battle to the death. More often than not, more gaurds would come and accidentally hit each other, starting another fight.

I'm also a fan of the really cheap 1 second drain 100 hp spell that you can craft, in the arena as you fight just cast it at somebody at half health and they'll just instantly die for almost no mana cost.

BladeMrk said:

I was on a mage guild recomendation quest where I needed to pretend I'm a merchant to get a rogue mage to attack me.

I had 2 battlemages backing me up. The rogue mage attacks, and so the 2 battlemages that are following me go in for the kill, then along comes an imperial guard and starts attacking the 2 battlemages for attacking (and killing) the rogue mage. The guard wins too.

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Yeah same thing happened to me. But with my second Oblivion character/game that didn't happen. It's kind of wierd.

An Innkeeper had given me a mission to kill a necromancer that has taken up residence in a nearby cave, causing undead to walk around, scaring away business. I went to the cave, found said necromancer, but she summoned a bunch of zombies, and there were a couple other necromancers. So, on my last leg, I bailed out of the cave and ran back to the inn to get some rest, but one of them followed me. It seemed, while I was in the cave, a friggin platoon of imperial guard decided to visit that particular inn. Once she got in, I hear the sound of about 10 swords being pulled, and she is dead...very very quickly. Her body fell perfectly onto a nearby chair, and her head lolled forward onto the table. She looked like she had just passed out drunk.

A funny moment that happened to me today:

I had walked into the Inn of Ill Omen, walked right up to the clerk and cast frenzy on him. He then proceed to say "Well I'll be a spotted snowbear, a customer!".. then proceeds to withdraw his war hammer and swings at my head... all with a smile on his face!

Ok so I am leaving a bar, forgot what town it was , but I see these orange cones placed all over the empty lot I am in. So feeling frisky, I punt one of these cones over into this road. I am laughing hystericaly when I notice 5 armed gaurds looking right at me. Now I am freaked out so I take off running and jump in my chariot. I must have accidently cast a love spell on these two Rick James looking peasent hookers,talk about a glitch. They jump in my chariot as it is rolling away and start to pick pocket me. Well I noticed this, thankfully, cuz I had alot of loot on me. Well I remember the gaurds are after me, so I decide I can use these peasents as decoys. The door is still open on the right side of my chariot so I round a corner sharply and one of the peasent hookers rolls right out!!!LOL. The other was sitting on my lap kinda sideways so I put down the top, to my chariot, grabbed my loot from her hands, grabbed her ankle, and cast the "dive head first backward like Jacque Custeau from a boat spell"(very powerful indeed) and poof out she went. The armed gaurds notice the hooker peasents and forgot all about my crazy antics. I cracked the whip on my horses and sped of into the night.... wait.......
that wasn't Oblivion that was the parking lot of the local gentlemans club in Dallas. Silly me I always get those confused... ROTF

So I was working on raising my hand to hand or whatever so I was running around punching stuff unarmed. I was trying to find this vampire hideout or something and I couldn't find it. Eventually I wandered up to the top of this tall mountain and all of a sudden a huge bear comes out of nowhere and rears up and goes rawr like it was going to box me. I was like oh you wanna box huh mr bear so I punched the bear one time and it fell over backward and this huge cliff was right behidn the bear. It fell off the cliff and it started rolling down and hit a tree and bounced off then kept rolling and hit a big rock and kept rolling then it hit a big rock formation like a ramp and went flying into this lake down below. It was like a cartoon. I was laughing pretty hard.

So it was very early in the game... I was strolling along outside and started attacking a wolf. I shot it with some arrows and it ran away and I couldn't kill it.

I walk around this bend totally fogetting about the wolf, and all the sudden i see him on top of a rock as he jumps off to attack me. His health was so low that as he hit the ground, he killed himself, and did a couple front flips and stopped right at my feet.

I laughed for a good 10 minutes.

I was going around somewhere south of Cheydnhal, heading for a deadric shrine, when I arrive suddenly I hear battle music. I turn around and see a rat running past me to attack a woman, one of the guys worshipping the deadric prince. I wait for her to kill it, but she is too lame so I take out my bow. The rat is already jumping when my arrow hits it. I go to the woman and activate her to see if she is all right....

And get a not in the corner of the screen telling me she is unconcious!
And there she is, standing there, looking at me like I have gone mad like all of them do when you stand next to them

Nils Horna said:

I was going around somewhere south of Cheydnhal, heading for a deadric shrine, when I arrive suddenly I hear battle music. I turn around and see a rat running past me to attack a woman, one of the guys worshipping the deadric prince. I wait for her to kill it, but she is too lame so I take out my bow. The rat is already jumping when my arrow hits it. I go to the woman and activate her to see if she is all right....

And get a not in the corner of the screen telling me she is unconcious!
And there she is, standing there, looking at me like I have gone mad like all of them do when you stand next to them

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That reminds me of the time I waltzed into Bruma for the first time while a mudcrab chased me the entire way. Fricken city is up in the mountains, snowy, probably cold as frak, yet everyone is wearing summer wear and chainmail. Anyway, I thought to myself, this shit's cold and boring, I'm going to go on [H] and bump a 3 year old thread.

There are two quests which should not be active at the same time: Paranoia (Glarthir) and the quest involving the Pale lady.

I am heading along secret passages in search of the kidnapped idiots, and I find this woman, and kill her. All right.
Head back to the prison section. All right.

Suddenly I bump into this watch guy. "Someone told me you were asking around town about glarthir" etc. (Part of Paranoia quest). I am like WTF? I am in forbidden area you idiot! But you are so kind so what do I care. No fine the better.
I finish talking to him, he turns around and walks away. All right so far.
I still have unfinished business. Now... Back to the prison!

As I run past him suddenly...








STOP!!!!
You violated the law!!!

WTF

This guy was happy to see me just a moment ago and he didnt give a Shit!!!
What the hell!!


A very very nasty situation.

But at least he got me out of the castle to the city gates.

Well, I think that if people have no more stuff happening to them in Oblivion, it will hopefully become better when the V part gets out. Hopefully then people will finally have something to say.

Where did everybody go, anyway?

I mean, Oblivion still has lots of stuff to dicover, like when I was beating up people with an enchanted blade on easiest and when they died they all flew all over the place. One even landed on a roof...

I recently reinstalled and am playing it again.

I may have posted this in another thread, but oh well.
I had just started the game, escaped from the sewers and I was making my way to the large city (Imperial city IRC). Anyway I was being chased by a wolf, and I had very little HP. The wolf got hung up on a stump and I ran down a hill and readied my bow. The wolf lunged, trying to get over the stump, and I shot him in the head. He died, and proceeded to slid down the hill, toward me, at about mock 3. I found it quite humorous.

SPOILER

Well, on the quest when you have to kill Kalthar in the Leyawiin recommendation, I always like to assault him as he comes through the Previously locked door (finding him using detect life).

He cries something like: "Oh my Goodness, Assault! Assault!"
He fights back.
I kill him. (He goes unconcious)
I DO NOT get evicted from Mages guild.

I wait for 1 Hour
Suddenly he gets up and starts his dialogue, and proceeds with attacking me.
He has still got low health from the unconciousness, so I finish him off.

I take his key and go to the Wide-open doors.


When I stand next to them it says "impossible to pick", even though the door is open.

When I activate them, Suddenly the doors ARE closed, and THEN open slowly!
WTF


Try it, it looks quite funny!

SPOILER GLITCH


When you summon a bound dagger, then make it permanent using the Bound items glitch (I bet everyone knows it, if not look on Youtube).


When you summon a new, bound one, you can actually forsake it for the other one that was made permanent. I do not remember exactly how I did it, but through re-equipping the Bound one, and then sheathing it (usually this removes bound weapons), you actually end up having the dagger in one and the shield in the other hand, but if you press F he will hold them in front of his face, and if you attack he will use them to punchthe air, Stangely enough, if he punches with the left hand after the right one, the dagger will actually be BEHIND the shield in your left hand.

But it gets Better...










Trying to un-equip the dagger crashes the game

I walk around a cave south of Imperial city, and this random Minotaur comes up, and I walk around him in circles and blast him with my staff.

Then the staff runs out and I jump down the waterfall and die at the bottom. But just as it shows the short aftermath, I see a minotaur going splat on top of me and die.

No one wins

Spoiler


You may have noticed that when you are in the Bruma mages guild, this woman always summons these scamps, and if you hit them, and they attack you, somebody will always shout:"Stay away from there!"

Now, in the quest when everyone there is killed, you will have to fight some undead, but when you are attacked near the door in front of the desk...


Suddenly:
"Stay away from there!!!"

I look around.
Only a dead wraith and some life ones visible with detect life. There is a corpse there, but it is not shown on detect life.


So who the hell shouted?

The computer did, of course.
Weird.