HardOCP News
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The Apple Watch Reviews Are Brutal
- Thread starter HardOCP News
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rudedog
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uh-oh looks like some sites may not be getting any more product reviews or invites from Apple.
Riccochet
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Wow. The bullshit is already flowing freely among the iHorde. First wearable computer? Innovative? First smart watch?
Are these people high on crack? Or are they just fucking idiots that shouldn't be writing tech columns?
Are these people high on crack? Or are they just fucking idiots that shouldn't be writing tech columns?
heatlesssun
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Apple has a knack of making significant refinements to existing products and making them highly desirable to the mass market, the latest example of that being the iPad which revolutionized tablets.
I don't think that's going to happen in this case. Not to say that the Apple Watch won't be market leading and do cool things but it doesn't seem to have any significant refinements to what's already out there. Plus the smartwatch market is still one still seeking its place. Beyond fitness bands and health monitors, there's not a lot they bring to the table that already isn't there in more convenient form.
General purpose smartwatches that cost hundreds of dollars simply don't do enough for the money that you aren't already do better.
I don't think that's going to happen in this case. Not to say that the Apple Watch won't be market leading and do cool things but it doesn't seem to have any significant refinements to what's already out there. Plus the smartwatch market is still one still seeking its place. Beyond fitness bands and health monitors, there's not a lot they bring to the table that already isn't there in more convenient form.
General purpose smartwatches that cost hundreds of dollars simply don't do enough for the money that you aren't already do better.
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Can the Apple Watch be charged by jacking off?
There may be a little bit of the crack but it's mostly just the fact that a lot of people who write about tech for non-techie publications don't actually know anything about tech and don't do any research. If these guys don't like the iWatch, it must be a real stinker.
I thought the only way to charge it is a circle jerk. .
Not surprised that a practical conservative function over form news outlet like Business Insider or Fox or what not would dog it, but I'd be surprised if other media outlets didn't swoon over it regardless of how impractical it is.
Step 2: Put Apple logo on it
Step 3: Price it with 250% profit margin
Step 4: Give it to average aging hipster liberal douche leftist press that will do all your marketing for you.
Step 5: Profit!
Step 1: Take competitors product and decontent it (remove buttons and features)
Step 2: Put Apple logo on it
Step 3: Price it with 250% profit margin
Step 4: Give it to average aging hipster liberal douche leftist press that will do all your marketing for you.
Step 5: Profit!
Domingo
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Rewind a few years and you'll see the same jokes and just as many poor reviews for the iPad.
The catch is that they don't have the magic of Steve Jobs as a pitchman this time. It'll be interesting to see how well it does.
The catch is that they don't have the magic of Steve Jobs as a pitchman this time. It'll be interesting to see how well it does.
To call the iPhone anything other than paradigm shifting for the market is disingenuous at best.
Yes, PDA's and phones that could do 'smart' things existed before then, and yes, Apple didnt really do anything with the iPhone that hadnt been done before. But it sure as hell put it together, packaged it, and made the experience better than anyone else did, and made their competitors do almost total 180's in how they approached the market.
To not call that a huge achievement and worthy of praise is absurd.
But thats the iPhone. This thing aint the iPhone. I dont actually know anyone even interested in this. Im VERY curious to see how sales go.
The article has a point, because you can tell all of the people quoted were trying really, really hard to oooo and ahhhh and gush over the "watch"--but just couldn't do it at the end of the day. You'd have to be some kind of mentally deranged Apple groupie to want to own one of these things, imo...ugh!
heatlesssun
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Not really sure where you come up with the Apple is for liberals mantra. I know tons of conservatives that own Apple products. I'm one of the most liberal folks on this forum by the looks of it and have never owned a new Apple product, the only one at all being a used Newton.
I simply give Apple where the credit is due. They know how to create attractive products generally. Not necessarily the most feature filled or power but thin, light, good battery life. I doesn't look like they've been able to bring that kind of distinction to their Watch at this point.
Yes, it absolutely shifted paradigms and engaged sexy technologies with the convergence of bleeding-edge holistic and innovative turn-key solutions that recontextualized dynamic architecture to cultivate revolutionary platforms.
As for the actual article. this seems to be a complete copy of the original iPhone reviews. "Everyone should buy one of these now. This is the most advanced piece of technology ever created." followed by the reviewer going to about how it doesn't actually work as a phone and drops calls, how you need to carry two phones with you, one for texting and making calls and the iPhone for everything else, and a GPS for directions as the built in one didn't work.
This looks exactly the same,
The Verge's Nilay Patel says it is "the first smartwatch that might legitimately become a mainstream product." He then followed that up with "The Apple Watch, as I reviewed it for the past week and a half, is kind of slow. There’s no getting around it, no way to talk about all of its interface ideas and obvious potential and hints of genius without noting that sometimes it stutters loading notifications. You simply can’t one-hand the Apple Watch…because it’s a tiny screen with a tiny control wheel strapped to your wrist, you have to use both hands to use it, and you have to actually look at it to make sure you’re hitting the right parts of the screen. There’s no doubt that being able to send quick replies from your wrist is a powerful idea; it’s the stuff of science-fiction legend, and every smartwatch has to be able to do it. But the Apple Watch is just the first step towards making that reality. It’s not anywhere close to being an actually-powerful communications tool, especially not when it’s competing with the phone in your pocket"
So the first watch that is supposed to be a legit mainstream product, but it sucks to use because it is slow and has all these other issues. So sounds like they want to say it sucks but still have to try to put as much of a positive spin on it sucking as they can
This looks exactly the same,
The Verge's Nilay Patel says it is "the first smartwatch that might legitimately become a mainstream product." He then followed that up with "The Apple Watch, as I reviewed it for the past week and a half, is kind of slow. There’s no getting around it, no way to talk about all of its interface ideas and obvious potential and hints of genius without noting that sometimes it stutters loading notifications. You simply can’t one-hand the Apple Watch…because it’s a tiny screen with a tiny control wheel strapped to your wrist, you have to use both hands to use it, and you have to actually look at it to make sure you’re hitting the right parts of the screen. There’s no doubt that being able to send quick replies from your wrist is a powerful idea; it’s the stuff of science-fiction legend, and every smartwatch has to be able to do it. But the Apple Watch is just the first step towards making that reality. It’s not anywhere close to being an actually-powerful communications tool, especially not when it’s competing with the phone in your pocket"
So the first watch that is supposed to be a legit mainstream product, but it sucks to use because it is slow and has all these other issues. So sounds like they want to say it sucks but still have to try to put as much of a positive spin on it sucking as they can
heatlesssun
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The iPad is a lot different situation, at least to me. I've long been a tablet fan and pretty much figured that the iPad would do well. It did better than I expected however in recent times I think it's current price and limitations have capped it's growth.
Having a touch based mobile computer to read on or surface the web on or take notes all is readily obvious functions for a general purpose tablet. Not really sure what the readily obvious functions are for a smartwatch that requires a smartphone in the first place.
CreepyUncleGoogle
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One can always count on the the ducky69 to find a political slant in something that has nothing to do with politics.
D
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Trepidati0n
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Apple fucked up by spending to much time on the screen and not enough time on "every thing else". The screen IS really good. The "ooh...shiny" can take you a long ways...but the glaring other issues are dwarfing it.
Maybe if it's found out that one of these reviewers had sex with an Pebble hardware designer, someone will claim to care about misleading hardware reviews in order to justify excoriating the female half of the coupling...then, change!
I'm sure it will sell because "ooh...shiny" is all most the ibots need.
I wonder how many will refer to it as "my precious"
Yakk
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Needs more cow bell.
Basically, if you read a few of the reviews you'll quickly realize that they all wanted to like it but couldn't find a legitimate reason to recommend it. They were still positive about it, and its future, because they have to spin positive as much as possible with Apple or they won't get future products to test. But, they couldn't do a review and ignore that the thing was slow and really didn't do anything that the others weren't already doing for the past year.
But, through it all you see that persistent "it'll be awesome in the future" message they were pushing. They can't recommend it today but they really want to finish on a positive note so they push the "wait for the future". If they hated a Pebble or any of the other watches they'd just tell you not to buy it and move on. With the Apple Watch they really want you to keep paying attention to it because THEY want to like it and they want a lot of them bought so the Apple team keeps improving it. If they're too harsh then the folks at Apple may let it die a slow death due to lagging sales.
But, through it all you see that persistent "it'll be awesome in the future" message they were pushing. They can't recommend it today but they really want to finish on a positive note so they push the "wait for the future". If they hated a Pebble or any of the other watches they'd just tell you not to buy it and move on. With the Apple Watch they really want you to keep paying attention to it because THEY want to like it and they want a lot of them bought so the Apple team keeps improving it. If they're too harsh then the folks at Apple may let it die a slow death due to lagging sales.
I kind of felt the same way about the Android watch. I wore it for a few weeks, then stopped for a few days. I really missed having it. The Android watch really doesn't add much over a phone, it just lets you do some things without taking your phone out of your pocket. If the Apple watch does the same, I don't see why there are bad reviews. Then again, the problems with the iWatch are the same with Android Wear and that isn't popular either.
amddragonpc
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I know somebody already LOL this but I gotta LOL this also ...
LOL!!! That says it all right there.
XBarbarian
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the best part for me.. is knowing those type of loonies... all they are doing is consuming and wearing lots of poison and hate.. thinking it will effect the others..when all they do is make themselves sick.. LmaoOne can always count on the the ducky69 to find a political slant in something that has nothing to do with politics.
apple watch = fail. apple's day in the sun, their 15 mins? even though they extended it for long run.. 'bout over.
HardUp4HardWare
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After such a poor reception Apple is reconsidering their development of an Anal Inserted Fitness device.
Dammit, I left out "pinko" but there's no edit button.One can always count on the the ducky69 to find a political slant in something that has nothing to do with politics.
But cmon, go to any super trendy coffee shop where peeps have pink or purple hair and hipster hats and what not, and every single table has a macbook on it without exception. 
And these are the type of crowd that dominate the media by and large, and thus tend to give Apple TONS of free press.
Or are we going to pretend that say Samsung gets as much free positive press as Apple? Cmon now...
heatlesssun
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Dammit, I left out "pinko" but there's no edit button.
You're stereotyping. Sure this is a big Apple crowd but it's far from the only one. Apple's mobile products are simply mainstream and very popular across any number of demographics these days.
heatlesssun
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And that's the problem with these devices currently, especially if you NEED the phone in your pocket for the watch to work at its full capacity. In time I think these devices will be popular but they need to stand on their own. They need to be able to standalone communications devices, get all day battery life, etc.
They're not unlike many technologies that simply take time to develop but once they do things are great.
CreepyUncleGoogle
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Dammit, I left out "pinko" but there's no edit button.
What Heatless said...aaand, the color people dye their hair has nothing at all to do with their political leanings. In fact, since its more of a younger person thing to do that and younger people tend to have like zero interest in politics (party or otherwise) I betcha there's a lot less worry among that crowd about what liberals or republicans think about something. I can also promise there's at least one person who has had pink hair in a coffee shop carrying a cheap Windows netbook along with them and not an Apple product.
Yeah, but I was talking about how the media (mainstream + bloggsphere, etc) are generally that demographic, thus the love affair and free press that only Apple enjoys, thanks to its "think different" marketing catering to these types. And its not JUST coming out of my ass: http://mediadecoder.blogs.nytimes.c...-dominates-tech-news/?src=twt&twt=nytimestech
New York Times said:
How would you even know that unless you are also at the coffee shops enough to establish a pattern? I was at one once in the last year and I didn't even notice what other people had.Dammit, I left out "pinko" but there's no edit button.
Also, I don't see why you are trying so hard to tear down an American company in favor of foreign companies.
heatlesssun
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I'm not saying that Apple doesn't get a lot of press, I just don't think it's necessarily a liberal conspiracy though considering the number of conservatives I know that love Apple products. But maybe that's the conspiracy!
s3rvb0t
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You're surprised?
http://youtu.be/CI5xnkLk8IA
check out part two flyer more lawl. it's embarrassing.