If Films Were Reviewed Like Video Games

HardOCP News

[H] News
Joined
Dec 31, 1969
Messages
0
This wouldn't be funny if it wasn't true. :D

Since World War Z has a big enough budget to ensure that it doesn't have any glaring mistakes, we're happy to say that it will at least score a 7/10. World War Z's visuals are top-notch. It has all sorts of cool effects like shadows, sunbeams pouring through windows. and impressive reflections on shiny surfaces. Multiple light sources hit objects at the same time, making everything look very realistic.
 
I like how those scores average out to a 9.6.
Yeah, 10, 6, 8, 7 9 averages to 9.6 :D

That said, there was one particular obvious product placement near the end that was actually humorous in how it was presented.
 
"Many of the actors are attractive. Some of the women have flaws, which really takes you out of their respective scenes. I like scenes where a dog reacts to a situation by laying his head down then comedically covering his eyes with his paws while whimpering. That doesn't happen in this movie, which is rather unforgivable."

this is just terrible.
just terrible.

a room full of monkeys with type writers....
 
That's pretty much how summer blockbusters are put together in hollywood.

Ok we need a good guy but that's secretly super tough and built.
He's fighting for the ones he loves
ACTION ACTION ACTION
SPECIAL EFFECTS SPECIAL EFFECTS
LOUDLOUDLOUDLOUDLOUD
difficult choice moment
triumph
Amerikuh Fuck Yeah!
 
"Many of the actors are attractive. Some of the women have flaws, which really takes you out of their respective scenes. I like scenes where a dog reacts to a situation by laying his head down then comedically covering his eyes with his paws while whimpering. That doesn't happen in this movie, which is rather unforgivable."

this is just terrible.
just terrible.

a room full of monkeys with type writers....

Yeah some of it was pretty bad, this could've been done a lot better.

Still decent.
 
I like how those scores average out to a 9.6.

That is damn near every game review ever. This is why a 9.0 ranking is retarded:

Audio = 10
Graphics = 10
Packaging = 10
Story = 10
Gameplay = 3.0
Downloadable Content = 10
Co-Op = 10

A game that has totally ass-like gameplay = 9.0 (do the math)


OR


Score 100 / Perfect 10....then has even ONE complaint / issue with the game. How can it be 100% or 10/10 when you have even a single complaint or issue. There should be no such thing as a 100% or 10/10.

:confused:
 
That's pretty much how summer blockbusters are put together in hollywood.

Ok we need a good guy but that's secretly super tough and built.
He's fighting for the ones he loves
ACTION ACTION ACTION
SPECIAL EFFECTS SPECIAL EFFECTS
LOUDLOUDLOUDLOUDLOUD
difficult choice moment
triumph
Amerikuh Fuck Yeah!
Are Americans appalled at Olympus Has Fallen?
 
I'll watch World War Z when it comes out on Blu-ray...the obvious mass departure from the book made me very unhappy. I feel the book could have been done in movie format very well.

For those of you who haven't read World War Z by Max Brooks you should do yourself the favor and read it. Even based on the premise of zombies it is one of my favorite top 10 books I've ever read. Simply brilliant writing!
 
"Many of the actors are attractive. Some of the women have flaws, which really takes you out of their respective scenes. I like scenes where a dog reacts to a situation by laying his head down then comedically covering his eyes with his paws while whimpering. That doesn't happen in this movie, which is rather unforgivable."

this is just terrible.
just terrible.

a room full of monkeys with type writers....

Please tell me you're kidding..! That's the point of the article: he's pointing out how shitty game reviews typically are.
 
Score 100 / Perfect 10....then has even ONE complaint / issue with the game. How can it be 100% or 10/10 when you have even a single complaint or issue. There should be no such thing as a 100% or 10/10.

:confused:

I bet every teacher could say that about every 100 you've earned on a test.

It’s as close to perfect as it’s ever going to get.
 
I bet every teacher could say that about every 100 you've earned on a test.

It’s as close to perfect as it’s ever going to get.

By crackey, teachers didn't hand out 100's on tests unless you did perfectly when I was a kid.
 
I'll watch World War Z when it comes out on Blu-ray...the obvious mass departure from the book made me very unhappy. I feel the book could have been done in movie format very well.

For those of you who haven't read World War Z by Max Brooks you should do yourself the favor and read it. Even based on the premise of zombies it is one of my favorite top 10 books I've ever read. Simply brilliant writing!

See I dunno about that, I think if they tried to cram the book into a 2 hour movie you'd be equally disappointed, in fact maybe more so because you were actually promised to get the book in movie format but they fell way short. Such is always the issue when you have two different artistic disciplines there's bound to be major differences.

The movie for what it was, is a really fun action packed movie, I enjoyed it because it took the traditional zombie archetype and actually made it more scary (gave zombies agility). Not that the movie wasn't without flaws, but when you get to see Brad Pitt in person and watch a movie for free you complain a bit less :D
 
Back
Top