6 Reasons Your Computer Guy Hates You

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Every single one of us knows exactly what this guy is talking about. We all get stuck doing computer repair for friends and family and sometimes it makes you want to pull your hair out. :D

This computer is yours. You know exactly who has used it. It is in its current condition without any outside interference, especially from me. I, on the other hand, am about to spend several hours of my own time trying to get it back into the condition it was in before you or someone you love screwed it up. So, two months down the line if I get a call from you, saying, "That program you installed messed up my computer." I will beat you until it causes hydrogen fusion.
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Which is why I tell my friends and family to eat fermented horse penis unless they pony up some cash.

On an unrelated note, I wonder why I don't get that many Christmas cards?
 
Sigh. I fixed someones laptop. I give it back to him, I have him check it out and he confirms that it is extraordinarily better. Then, as a co-worker reports while I was gone, he was mucking around on his laptop. Then a day or two later, I get a call from this guy whose laptop I fixed saying that it's slow as hell and worse than before.

I think he did something to his laptop in between.
 
When I fixed someone's hardware, I introduced to that person how to use it safely a efficiently, if they gave up on it, and they were not listening to me I refused to help them again. I do count on fact not everyone has technical thinking but to not be able to do few simple steps even more simply described is pure lazyness and using others to do stuff instead of them.
 
Computer guys do it bc they like to do it. They complain about users who are unsophisticated but loosely translated, by agreeing to fix someone else's computer for free, alas it is not for free-
they get to laugh at them.
 
This article hits the hammer on the nail. I love it. /me saves offline copy
 
That's why i don't build computers for my friends anymore unless I sit down and teach them basic knowledge. I was a one man tech support for one guy who does nothing but look up porn and do college work on his sli gtx 580 rig.
 
"Sure, sure. Now, this is going to seem like an odd request, but for this next step, I'm going to need you to take out your dick, and lay it on your laptop's keyboard."

Gold.... :D

Love every word of it and it's all true.
 
I remember when I first got into computers, it was like this:


1996, receive new computer. I was amazed, dropped all sports and activities and got addicted immediately. I used it and used it. I get viruses on it and mess it up.
Mother calls family computer guy to fix it. His face: :)
Woohoo, computer is working again, use it use it, get viruses.
Mother calls family computer guy to fix it. This time his face is ಠ_ಠ
Woohoo, computer is working again, use it use it, get viruses
Mother refuses to call family computer guy. My face: :-(
Spend some midnight sessions with an MS-DOS manual getting to know my hunk of transistors.
Fix my computer. My mothers face, my face: :)
Fix her computer. Our faces: :)
Fix grandmothers computer. Our faces: :)

15 years later

Still fixing family computers. My face: ಠ_ಠ
 
PornoSatan said:
I remember when I first got into computers, it was like this:


1996, receive new computer. I was amazed, dropped all sports and activities and got addicted immediately. I used it and used it. I get viruses on it and mess it up.
Mother calls family computer guy to fix it. His face: :)
Woohoo, computer is working again, use it use it, get viruses.
Mother calls family computer guy to fix it. This time his face is ಠ_ಠ
Woohoo, computer is working again, use it use it, get viruses
Mother refuses to call family computer guy. My face: :-(
Spend some midnight sessions with an MS-DOS manual getting to know my hunk of transistors.
Fix my computer. My mothers face, my face: :)
Fix her computer. Our faces: :)
Fix grandmothers computer. Our faces: :)

15 years later

Still fixing family computers. My face: ಠ_ಠ
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This was me, except the 15 years later part = $$$,$$$

Now I work on enterprise / infrastructure toys. :)
 
I don't even bother. Boot the computer up with some sort of knoppix or ubuntu boot disk, recover my documents and whatever else they want to save. Reformat with new copy of windows. Done.
 
Didn't cover my pet peeve which is the owner just saying it's running funny. Can't explain how, and often getting what program was having the trouble is like pulling teeth. The last time ended up being that she thought she had a virus because Word crashed one day last month. I don't hear a peep if it's something serious like something is making a grinding noise until it dies but it's a freaking emergency if Adobe flash says an update is available!
 
scojer said:
That's why i don't build computers for my friends anymore unless I sit down and teach them basic knowledge. I was a one man tech support for one guy who does nothing but look up porn and do college work on his sli gtx 580 rig.
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same here...
the last person i built a computer for was 2 years ago.
he actually called me earlier today saying it wouldn't boot... fml
 
tazeat said:
I don't even bother. Boot the computer up with some sort of knoppix or ubuntu boot disk, recover my documents and whatever else they want to save. Reformat with new copy of windows. Done.
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reformat every time. even when i dont REALLY have to because it lets me keep everything clean and organized. im a little OCD. :p
 
Cerulean said:
Sigh. I fixed someones laptop. I give it back to him, I have him check it out and he confirms that it is extraordinarily better. Then, as a co-worker reports while I was gone, he was mucking around on his laptop. Then a day or two later, I get a call from this guy whose laptop I fixed saying that it's slow as hell and worse than before.

I think he did something to his laptop in between.
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Somebody once asked me to set up a wireless router for them. A week goes by, and then right after they have a Comcast technician over their connection to their server stopped working. Who did they suggest caused it? The Comcast guy? Nope; me.

#6 - it never fails.
 
scojer said:
That's why i don't build computers for my friends anymore unless I sit down and teach them basic knowledge. I was a one man tech support for one guy who does nothing but look up porn and do college work on his sli gtx 580 rig.
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I know what you mean, the whole "Why does a grandmother need a 4ghz 8 core computer with 32 gb's ram when all she will do is check her email and play Minesweeper?", it's kind of sad but older computers can't even browse the web effectively anymore with the pervasiveness of flash content these days. Atleast granny's hotrod doesn't have to work that hard and any viruses she does get won't be noticed because the system will still be fast regardless. Win win for everyone!
 
i dont mind fixing/building computers for CLOSE friends and fam. I actually get frustrated when I hear they bought such n such for a price much more than than what I could have found.
 
The assigning blame after its fixed and then their free flash games won't work really hit home. I'm about to the point where I just tell my father not to do anything banking related because he wants to play his stupid party poker. Hell I even tried to get him some legit poker programs, but he complains that he doesn't win as often as with his poker games (you know the ones, where you win millions as long as your not playing for actual cash).
 
I love this article (and this website). Thanks for the laughs.
 
Greatness...i get it from all my friends and family, i dont mind doing it until they get upset, and try to blame me...assholes lol
 
PornoSatan said:
I know what you mean, the whole "Why does a grandmother need a 4ghz 8 core computer with 32 gb's ram when all she will do is check her email and play Minesweeper?", it's kind of sad but older computers can't even browse the web effectively anymore with the pervasiveness of flash content these days. Atleast granny's hotrod doesn't have to work that hard and any viruses she does get won't be noticed because the system will still be fast regardless. Win win for everyone!
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That dosn't really happen much anymore unless someone is building it for them. The norm today is why can't this $300 computer play second life better than my old computer? And when you try to explain that they will need to spend more and why the bug you do something about it. I'm dealing with this now with a friend who had to buy a Celeron 900 laptop and cant understand why his 4 year old laptop was faster and why there's not jack squat I can do about it.
 
When friends or family ask if I will build them a computer, I point them to Dell.com. They usually want cheap, and want support. This way the get a descent computer, and I don't have to troubleshoot/fix it (much). I can't/wont try to out-do Dell or others on cheap computers.
 
Is it just me or do store workers (Best Buy, Comp USA etc) prey on older people more when they ask about computer related things?

"Hi, what can I help you with ma'am?"
"Where is your ram? My computer needs more ram. Here my grandson wrote down what I need."
"Alright, I can get that for you. Hey we have this set over here that only costs $20 more but is 2x the capacity and if you pay an additional $10 you can get a flash drive with it! Also comes with a $5 coupon off this mouse right here."

When I go in its like

"Anything I can help you with?"
"Looking for your ram."
"Right over here."

And that's the end of it.
 
Feel like a lion in a jungle full hyenas. Fuck yeah. The older people though are like gazelles for those working commission.
 
artimusbill said:
When friends or family ask if I will build them a computer, I point them to Dell.com. They usually want cheap, and want support. This way the get a descent computer, and I don't have to troubleshoot/fix it (much). I can't/wont try to out-do Dell or others on cheap computers.
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My mom bought a Dell for $500 about 5 years ago. I told her to take my advice and go with a custom built, but instead she had my cousin get a discount on this Dell desktop that had 512 MB RAM and a Celeron (should be obscene and profane to mention this name). I later ended pumping it up with 2GB or 4GB RAM (2x2 or 2x1), and though it helped at the time the machine is now at crawl speed. There is literally nothing I can do to fix THE problem (the fact that it has a Celershizzles processor and that it is a DELL [should also be a profane and obscene word]).

The problem I have run into in denying computer service is that... that's not how you treat your family.. assuming your family is good to you and that you are blessed to have a good family and parents. They are not computer savvy -- quite stupid actually -- but I am blessed to have the parents and family I have.. so what am I supposed to do after I get sick and tired? Either I'm selfish and I don't do their machines or I'm selfless and I do it because I love them. Doesn't matter the reason, doesn't matter this or that -- just gotta remember that the next time I ask for help I shouldn't expect it back.
 
If you make your family buy a Dell make them buy an Optiplex. The fact that a 3-year next business day onsite warranty comes standard is a pretty strong justification, and they're very easy to service. Except they tend to be extremely proprietary (as do most business desktops) so obtaining parts might be an issue.
 
Kalabalana said:
I do not fix friends and family computers anymore.
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+1 I turn into the tech guy for family and friends but got tired of them screwing things so bad that I just gave up, no longer give a shit :mad:
If they have a problem I send them to geek squad as punishment :D
 
I ask them to email me a $25 amazon credit if it's something that takes me less than two hours. Maybe $50 if it's a big deal. If your family/friends love you, they would not feel your time is worthless. Still cheaper than a computer repair guy, and they know I'm going to do it right and not make them buy unnecessary stuff.

I help a family member or friend move or do some kind of big project two or three times a year to be helpful just like anyone else. On the other hand, I get asked to help with computers about thirty times a year, unlike everyone else.

If they feel that their computer issue important, especially if I have to go over there, I like for them to make it worth my time (as long as they can afford it...I never ask for anything from the poor ones).
 
Most of my family is beyond help. It is hard enough keeping my wife's laptop disinfected let alone the rest of my extended family. I gave up on them years ago because they would never follow through with doing anything to keep them working. #1 was "Do NOT let your kids play with the laptop. It is NOT a toy!"
The response is usually "Yeah! Damn right!"
The other day mom mentioned that Dad's new laptop he purchased last Christmas quit. I asked what happened. She said someone stepped on it. My nephew was playing with it and just left it in the floor. My family........ (face in palm)
 
I stopped fixing family/friend computers many years ago. They would even pay somewhat decent but I would rather beat my head into a brick wall than do it one more time.

My biggest success story though is building a computer for a grandma who didn't even know how to use a mouse. It took about a year but she got pretty damn good at shit. She would damn near write down everything I said in a notebook for reference, hehe. It's been years and she has never had a virus. But then again I more or less told her: "Don't get this free bullshit, and don't click shit that you didn't intend on looking at." She is the only person I would still help if something happens, which isn't often/major. She does have to force coffee and some form of food down my throat every time I go though, lol.
 
Kalabalana said:
I do not fix friends and family computers anymore.
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Me either. I talk them through a factory restore, and then instruct them in the proper use of Acronis or the like, to make a base image with their apps, email, favorites, etc setup, as well as a monthly rolling image.
 
ripken204 said:
same here...
the last person i built a computer for was 2 years ago.
he actually called me earlier today saying it wouldn't boot... fml
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That's the downside of helping someone else building a custom PC. When something gets messed up later on, they expect you to know what happened.
 
Actually I don't mind building/maintaining my family's PCs. It has made my wife into a sort of a PC nerd herself.

The other day I asked her if she wanted a dozen roses and she said, "for the money I rather get a SDHD card". :p

Besides, I can have an excuse to upgrade my PC and pass my old stuff to my family. :D
 
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